IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph compares the proportion of the population of 4 different countries in Asia living in cities between 1970 and 2020, with projection to 2040.

The line graph compares the proportion of the population of 4 different countries in Asia living in cities between 1970 and 2020, with projection to 2040.
#line #proportion #population #countries #asia #cities #projection
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart gives information about the proportion of
people
 living in
cities
 from 4 different countries in Asia, namely the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia, in
percentage
, over a 51-year period from 1970 to 2020, with a prediction to 2040. It can clearly be seen that there was an increase in the urban of all four countries.
This
 group of the total population is projected to continue climbing in the next 20 years. In 1970, Indonesia was the country that had the smallest
percentage
 of the number of
people
 living in
cities
, at about 15%.
However
, in 2020 Indonesia became the country with the
second largest
Add a hyphen
second-largest
show examples
percentage
 of
people
 residing in urban areas, at nearly 50%.
In contrast
, the Philippines took
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place in 1970 with about 32% of total
people
 living in
cities
, but it dropped to third place in 2020, at 45%. Regarding, the urban population of the Philippines is predicted to continue to increase in the upcoming 20 years, at about 55% by 2040.
Besides
, Malaysia is the country which has the most
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
substantial climb in the
percentage
 of
people
 in
cities
 compared to others; and
this
 number is
also
 projected to take the first place in 2040, at 80%. During the 51-year period since the 1970s
Add a comma
,
show examples
although
 the percentages of all the four countries
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 fluctuated, they still have an increase in general.
Submitted by chauhongngoc.577 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: