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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Fewer people are reading books these days. Therefore we should close all libraries and use the funds for something more urgent like Healthcare.

#people #books #libraries #funds #healthcare
It is suggested that nowadays
books
 are read so
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 by
people
 that we have to take
closure
Replace the word
close
show examples
 all of
libraries
Add an article
the libraries
show examples
.
Then
 utilize the
money
fore
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 something more important as healthcare. I opposite to
this
 opinion. Admittedly, there are more crucial things which
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 for looking after. First and foremost, there are many resources that
people
 can use
instead
 of
libraries
. Internet
for example
, there are a number
PDF
Change preposition
of PDF
show examples
books
 or magazines and journals and
this
 may be
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 convenient way for
people
. Because many of them are
charge
Wrong verb form
charged
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free and
people
 need not go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere.
This
Add a verb
This is
This was
show examples
also
 useful for
people
 who
are disable
Change the verb form
are disabled
show examples
.
This
 may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decrease requests for
libraries
. And spending
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
libraries
 may not be necessary.
Furthermore
,
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world the rate of different illnesses
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
are increase
Change the verb form
are increasing
show examples
.
This
, in turn,
necessitate
Change the verb form
necessitates
show examples
 more state-of-the-art hospitals. Obviously,
this
 involves
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
, since for good
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, we need lots of
money
. In the long term, these changes could benefit the community by addressing immediate needs.
However
, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
,
libraries
 had to save. First of all, there are many
people
 who can not afford to purchase new
books
 and library places can be more suitable for them.
As
Correct word choice
Libraries
show examples
libraries
 include free
books
.
Moreover
, there
places
Add a missing verb
are places
show examples
 so
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
show examples
 that they provide
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
show examples
 environment to
people
 who want quiet.
In addition
, some
people
 do not have mobile phones or elderly generations can not understand these devices so
libraries
 are great
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 for them.
To sum up
,
although
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 for
libraries
 is dwindling, there are still demands for them.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with evidence or reasoning. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
logical structure
To improve logical structure, consider outlining your essay before writing. This can help ensure that your argument flows well from one point to the next.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
complete response
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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