The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
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In
this
contemporary era, the education system has undergone a major transformation by involvement of extracurricular subjects
. A wide sector of individuals believes that art and music subjects
should be excluded from the curriculum in order to concentrate on vital subjects
. I totally agree with this
argument to diminish the burdens and elevate grades.
To begin
with, in recent days, the pupils and parents have been complaining about the subject contents. They assume that it is affluent with data that they can not handle and study all of it. Therefore
, they believe that focusing more on critical subjects
will reduce their burdens. This
will reflect on their grades and can be elevated. According to
a study conducted by Muscat University, students
who studied extracurricular subjects
lost their attention during the year, while
students
who focused on vital subjects
gained high marks.
Furthermore
, technology has played a crucial role in our lives, so students
should be aware of it. They should enhance their intellectual knowledge about it. Moreover
, when they learn about it, their awareness of these advancements will rise. Finally
, it will provide more job opportunities. This
can ameliorate their life quality. In his book, Technology Globally, Professor Mark Huges said that the labour market will focus more on IT students
. This
job will have the highest salary and options over time.
In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, I am of the opinion that the government should eliminate any unuseful subjects
. It should encourage pupils to study more programming and coding subjects
. These subjects
will generate their future.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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While the essay provides a clear stance on the topic, make sure to acknowledge and address potential counterarguments to enhance the complexity and balance of the argument.
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Ensure the main points are expanded further with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Although ideas are logically organized, consider using more transition words to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to combine shorter and longer sentences to vary sentence structure for better readability and engagement.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction that states your position, and you restated your position in the conclusion, which gives your essay a strong framework.
logical structure
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relevant specific examples
You provided relevant specific examples, such as citing studies and books, that support your arguments well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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