Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. what are the reason for this. Is this a positive or negative development?
In recent years, some
individuals
prefer to spend their leasure
time Correct your spelling
leisure
for
shopping Change preposition
apply
instead
of other activities and consider it as an
hobby. Change the article
a
This
essay will discuss that a viable reason for this
phenomenon is consumerism
and advertisments
, Correct your spelling
advertisements
eventually
argue that Correct word choice
and eventually
this
is an
negative development.
First and foremost, nowadays an increasing number of Change the article
a
peole
have been influenced by Correct your spelling
people
consumerism
. Shopping centers
and Change the spelling
centres
berand
persuade Correct your spelling
brand
individuals
to buy more and more. Fast-fashin products which are usable just one
or Correct your spelling
once
towice
, Correct your spelling
twice
required
Wrong verb form
require
people
to buy again and again. For example
, there are some clothes, which are on-fashion for a season and they are not wearable for next years
and Fix the agreement mistake
year
people
should purches
clothes again. Another reason is Correct your spelling
purchase
adverticements
, which encourage Correct your spelling
advertisements
individuals
for buying
unnecessary products. There are many Change preposition
to buy
advertisment
on TV , social media or even Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
in
Change preposition
on
streets
, which Correct article usage
the streets
temting
Correct your spelling
tempt
people
to buy new product
in Fix the agreement mistake
products
hope
of Correct article usage
the hope
new
experience. Correct article usage
a new
For instance
, many celebrities have their own brand and persuade their fans to purches
Correct your spelling
purchase
thir
products.
Correct your spelling
their
this
Moreover
, it is believed that individulas
who are choosing shopping Correct your spelling
individuals
for
their hobby have been promoting Change preposition
as
consumerism
and this
can effect
society. Correct your spelling
affect
This
culture is able to causes
financial difficulties for Change the verb
cause
individuals
because they should spend more money. Also
, replacing other hobbies like exercise with shopping,
could bring about negative impacts on Remove the comma
apply
overall
well-being. Those who devote their time and energy to exploring shopping centers
Change the spelling
centres
instead
of exercising on
the gymChange preposition
in
,
might face health Remove the comma
apply
problesm
Correct your spelling
problems
problem
due to
Correct article usage
the eliminat
eliminat
Correct your spelling
eliminate
elimination
Change preposition
of sport
sport
.
In conclusion, there are several reasons for choosing shopping as Fix the agreement mistake
sports
an
hobby Change the article
a
such
as consumerism
and atractive advertisment
which are everywhere. Correct your spelling
attractive advertising
Also
, this
essay subscribe
to the view that it is a negative development Change the verb form
subscribes
due to
the prompting
inappropriate way of spending money and its effect on Correct word choice
apply
people
's health.Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on
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Grammar and Style
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and precision of ideas. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain minor grammatical errors.
Development of Ideas
You provided reasons for why people choose shopping as a hobby, but adding more evidence or examples could make your arguments stronger.
Depth and Relevance
Consider elaborating further on how the culture of consumerism affects broader societal trends or health impacts. This will help provide a more rounded argument and enhance the relevance of your examples.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the response and delivering a complete argument.
Task Response
You have identified relevant causes of the phenomenon, such as consumerism and advertising, which effectively address the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion, making the essay easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?