Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. what are the reason for this. Is this a positive or negative development?

In recent years, some
individuals
prefer to spend their
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping
instead
of other activities and consider it as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
hobby.
This
essay will discuss that a viable reason for
this
phenomenon is
consumerism
and
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
,
eventually
Correct word choice
and eventually
show examples
argue that
this
is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
negative development. First and foremost, nowadays an increasing number of
peole
Correct your spelling
people
have been influenced by
consumerism
. Shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
and
berand
Correct your spelling
brand
persuade
individuals
to buy more and more. Fast-fashin products which are usable just
one
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
or
towice
Correct your spelling
twice
,
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
people
to buy again and again.
For example
, there are some clothes, which are on-fashion for a season and they are not wearable for next
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
and
people
should
purches
Correct your spelling
purchase
clothes again. Another reason is
adverticements
Correct your spelling
advertisements
, which encourage
individuals
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
unnecessary products. There are many
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
on TV , social media or even
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
, which
temting
Correct your spelling
tempt
people
to buy new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
show examples
of
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
experience.
For instance
, many celebrities have their own brand and persuade their fans to
purches
Correct your spelling
purchase
thir
Correct your spelling
their
this
products.
Moreover
, it is believed that
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
who are choosing shopping
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
their hobby have been promoting
consumerism
and
this
can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
society.
This
culture is able to
causes
Change the verb
cause
show examples
financial difficulties for
individuals
because they should spend more money.
Also
, replacing other hobbies like exercise with shopping
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could bring about negative impacts on
overall
well-being. Those who devote their time and energy to exploring shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
instead
of exercising
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the gym
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
might face health
problesm
Correct your spelling
problems
problem
due to
Correct article usage
the eliminat
show examples
eliminat
Correct your spelling
eliminate
elimination
Change preposition
of sport
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. In conclusion, there are several reasons for choosing shopping as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
hobby
such
as
consumerism
and
atractive advertisment
Correct your spelling
attractive advertising
which are everywhere.
Also
,
this
essay
subscribe
Change the verb form
subscribes
show examples
to the view that it is a negative development
due to
the
prompting
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
inappropriate way of spending money and its effect on
people
's health.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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Grammar and Style
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and precision of ideas. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain minor grammatical errors.
Development of Ideas
You provided reasons for why people choose shopping as a hobby, but adding more evidence or examples could make your arguments stronger.
Depth and Relevance
Consider elaborating further on how the culture of consumerism affects broader societal trends or health impacts. This will help provide a more rounded argument and enhance the relevance of your examples.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the response and delivering a complete argument.
Task Response
You have identified relevant causes of the phenomenon, such as consumerism and advertising, which effectively address the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion, making the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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