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Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
Work opportunities often vary from
place
 to
place
. Places
such
 as the city or developed countries offer higher salaries and better benefits. I believe that seeking greener pastures often entails the sacrifice of moving away from the
life
 you have known. In third-world countries,
such
 as the Philippines, working abroad is often the reality most people have to have a good job that can sustain a proper
life
. Jobs that offer better pay, pension or health insurance are mostly found in big cities or in other countries like New Zealand.
That is
 why most Filipinos opt to leave their family and friends to be able to give their family and themselves a better
life
.
However
, moving away is not necessarily an easy option. Choosing
this
 means that you are leaving the comfort of everything that you have ever known. That you are going to a
place
 where no one can support you or comfort you in times of need.
This
 option means you are choosing a
life
 of independence which is often a lonely one.
Furthermore
, going to a new
place
 means new challenges
such
 as adjusting to the culture, the language, the transportation, and many more. Despite these challenges, Filipinos still choose to leave the country because the jobs offered in the Philippines are not enough to live a sustainable
life
. In conclusion, I think that the advantages of going to another
place
 for work outweigh the disadvantages.
Although
 the journey will be hard, the possibility of giving yourself and your family a better
life
 by having a good job in another
place
 will make all the hardships worth it.
Submitted by erickacasandra.abas on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the advantages and disadvantages of moving for work. Address potential counterarguments to strengthen your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. This can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and personal experiences to enhance the relevance and persuasiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, making your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You have included relevant and specific examples that enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported, and there's a logical flow of ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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