IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

#person #company #believe #money #reason
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It is argued that income is the biggest reason why a worker
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 to stay at the same
company
.
This
 essay disagrees with the statement since the workplace's hospitality and the opportunity to learn are the most
prominant
Correct your spelling
prominent
 viable solution to influence them to not move. How an employer
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 their business environment is a crucial aspect that can make their employees
feel
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to move to another workplace. By using humans' physicological hormones like dopamine and
serotonine
Correct your spelling
serotonin
 which grow when a person
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 needed and loved,
such
 as having bonding activities regularly, a
company
 could
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
 their workers to stay even though they have low income.
For example
, tobacco companies in Malang, Indonesia,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 well-known as one of
low
Add an article
the low
a low
show examples
 paid
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
;
however
, the number of workers who
work
 there year by year
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more likely never change because the companies
is almost never have
Change the verb form
almost never have
show examples
mothly
Correct your spelling
monthly
picnic
Fix the agreement mistake
picnics
show examples
. Another
reson
Correct your spelling
reason
 why a worker
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 to
work
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
company
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the opportunity to upgrade their skill and knowledge. A number of
freshgraduated
Correct your spelling
fresh graduated
 students nowadays choose to
work
 in a famous business for years as they can have the
previllage
Correct your spelling
privilege
 to gain professional advice directly from their supervisors or their seniors who
work
 there. Indonesia,
for instance
,
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many Papuan young doctors who choose to
work
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public hospitals for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time with low income just because they are motivated to get the skill, knowledge, and even recommendation from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior cardiologists to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their school in
cardiology
Correct article usage
the cardiology
show examples
departement
Correct your spelling
department
. In conclusion, I believe that it is not about money but hospitality and learning opportunity
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 by a
company
 is a main factor which can make employees
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
company
 for
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 period of time.
Submitted by lulukfuru on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure all parts of the essay are consistently linked and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure each argument presented is fully developed and supported with clear reasoning and examples.
grammar usage
Some grammatical errors are present, such as incorrect word forms and spelling. Double-check your writing for these minor errors.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and maintains it throughout the response, providing a focused and relevant argument.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the companies in Malang, Indonesia, enhances the credibility and relevance of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a distinct introduction and conclusion, which clearly frame the main points and enhance readability and structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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