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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #arguments #side #support
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Nobody can deny that parental influence is important for
children
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, at least in cases where
children
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 live with their parents, foster parents or guardians.
However
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, it is by no means clear that
children
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 should spend
time
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 exclusively in the family, as we will see. On the one hand, it may appear advisable for parents to act as role models and to establish ground rules for behaviour by spending as much
time
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 as possible with their
children
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.
This
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 allows the youngsters to absorb conventions and codes of conduct which they can
then
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 follow themselves, hopefully leading to an absence of problems
such
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 as bullying, truancy and delinquency later on.
Furthermore
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, being with the family should reduce the risk of
children
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 falling victim to crimes
such
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 as abduction, or coming under the influence of negative peer pressure.
On the other hand
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, we have to ask whether
this
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 is a practical proposition. In a society where many families are dual-income, or where one parent’s role as breadwinner means he/she is away from the family for long periods, it is inevitable that
children
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 cannot spend all of their
time
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 with the family. Child-minding and after-school childcare are often used in these cases, and if managed properly, these can be perfectly viable alternatives. Equally, it seems that
children
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 can in some cases learn a considerable amount from their peers
in addition
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 to adults,
and
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apply
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allowing them to play without direct supervision may be a benefit.
To conclude
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, it appears that,
while
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 family
time
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 is essential for bonding and absorbing patterns of behaviour, there are definite advantages when
children
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 are outside the family too.
This
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 is provided that they are in a safe, well-behaved environment with peers who are themselves reasonably well
brought-up
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brought up
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.
Submitted by esaraica on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. While you have supported your points well, examples from real life or studies would make your case more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. While the overall structure is logical, using linking words or phrases could enhance the coherence further.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion that present and summarize your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences, aiding logical structure.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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