IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #arguments #side #support
Nobody can deny that parental influence is important for
children
, at least in cases where
children
 live with their parents, foster parents or guardians.
However
, it is by no means clear that
children
 should spend
time
 exclusively in the family, as we will see. On the one hand, it may appear advisable for parents to act as role models and to establish ground rules for behaviour by spending as much
time
 as possible with their
children
.
This
 allows the youngsters to absorb conventions and codes of conduct which they can
then
 follow themselves, hopefully leading to an absence of problems
such
 as bullying, truancy and delinquency later on.
Furthermore
, being with the family should reduce the risk of
children
 falling victim to crimes
such
 as abduction, or coming under the influence of negative peer pressure.
On the other hand
, we have to ask whether
this
 is a practical proposition. In a society where many families are dual-income, or where one parent’s role as breadwinner means he/she is away from the family for long periods, it is inevitable that
children
 cannot spend all of their
time
 with the family. Child-minding and after-school childcare are often used in these cases, and if managed properly, these can be perfectly viable alternatives. Equally, it seems that
children
 can in some cases learn a considerable amount from their peers
in addition
 to adults,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
allowing them to play without direct supervision may be a benefit.
To conclude
, it appears that,
while
 family
time
 is essential for bonding and absorbing patterns of behaviour, there are definite advantages when
children
 are outside the family too.
This
 is provided that they are in a safe, well-behaved environment with peers who are themselves reasonably well
brought-up
Correct your spelling
brought up
show examples
.
Submitted by esaraica on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. While you have supported your points well, examples from real life or studies would make your case more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. While the overall structure is logical, using linking words or phrases could enhance the coherence further.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion that present and summarize your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences, aiding logical structure.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: