IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past peope used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the past, people used to travel
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 countries to explore differences from their native countries. These days,
cities
Use synonyms
 around the
world
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 are becoming more and more similar. The reasons behind
this
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 are all
cities
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 have the same planning and
development
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. I personally believe that the benefits of
this
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 outweigh the drawbacks because the
Use synonyms
diversities
Replace the word
diversity
show examples
 of the
cities
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 are lost. The primary cause of
cities
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 getting similar
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the same
Use synonyms
plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
show examples
. These days,
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plannings
Correct article usage
the plannings
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 of different
cities
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 are the same regardless of their cultural and geographical backgrounds. All
cities
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 have the same modern facilities,
such
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 as high-rise buildings, bridges, roads, highways, shopping malls, and multiplexes.
Therefore
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, all
cities
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 look almost the same.
Moreover
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,
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development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
cities
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 around the
world
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 are same. All
cities
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 have the same
development
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 and looks. All
cities
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 around the
world
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 develop copying each other.
For example
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, in Japan, Tokyo has developed copying the
development
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 and
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plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
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 of New York. There are no
diversities
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 in these two
cities
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 and both are the same. If all
cities
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 around the
world
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 look the same the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 the
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diversities
Replace the word
diversity
show examples
 around the
world
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 is lost. If each city has different planning and
development
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, there will be a difference. Each city will have different looks and beauties. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, tourists will find it enjoyable to travel
different
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to different
show examples
cities
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 of the
world
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.
For example
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, there are still differences in planning and
development
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 in
cities
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of
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in
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 Europe and
Middle
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the Middle
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 East.
Therefore
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, tourists around the
world
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 still prefer to travel
Europe
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to Europe
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the Midle
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Midle
Correct your spelling
Middle
 East because of their
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diversities
Correct your spelling
diversity
show examples
. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the plannings
show examples
plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
show examples
 and
development
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 of different
cities
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 are the same, and
therefore
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,
cities
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 around the
world
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 look the same. I personally believe that the advantages of
this
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 phenomenon
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages because the diversity of the
world
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 is lost.

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task response
Consider expanding your explanation on how cities adopting similar infrastructure impacts cultural diversity and local traditions. This will enhance the response's depth.
task response
Ensure clarity in expressing your opinion. It's vital to clearly state whether advantages truly outweigh disadvantages or to explore both sides equally, aligning with the essay type.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas across paragraphs, not just within them.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear; try to simplify complex sentences for better readability and ensure each sentence links logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for maintaining the structure of your response, ensuring your argument is understood.
task achievement
You've used examples effectively to illustrate your points, particularly the reference to Tokyo and New York, which clarifies your argument about city planning.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well organized, allowing the reader to follow your argument quite easily from one paragraph to the next.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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