In the past peope used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In the past, people used to travel
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
countries to explore differences from their native countries. These days,
cities
around the
world
are becoming more and more similar. The reasons behind
this
are all
cities
have the same planning and
development
. I personally believe that the benefits of
this
outweigh the drawbacks because the
diversities
Replace the word
diversity
show examples
of the
cities
are lost. The primary cause of
cities
getting similar
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the same
plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
show examples
. These days,
plannings
Correct article usage
the plannings
show examples
of different
cities
are the same regardless of their cultural and geographical backgrounds. All
cities
have the same modern facilities,
such
as high-rise buildings, bridges, roads, highways, shopping malls, and multiplexes.
Therefore
, all
cities
look almost the same.
Moreover
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of
cities
around the
world
are same. All
cities
have the same
development
and looks. All
cities
around the
world
develop copying each other.
For example
, in Japan, Tokyo has developed copying the
development
and
plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
show examples
of New York. There are no
diversities
in these two
cities
and both are the same. If all
cities
around the
world
look the same the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
the
diversities
Replace the word
diversity
show examples
around the
world
is lost. If each city has different planning and
development
, there will be a difference. Each city will have different looks and beauties. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, tourists will find it enjoyable to travel
different
Change preposition
to different
show examples
cities
of the
world
.
For example
, there are still differences in planning and
development
in
cities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Europe and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
East.
Therefore
, tourists around the
world
still prefer to travel
Europe
Change preposition
to Europe
show examples
and
Correct article usage
the Midle
show examples
Midle
Correct your spelling
Middle
East because of their
diversities
Correct your spelling
diversity
show examples
. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the plannings
show examples
plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
show examples
and
development
of different
cities
are the same, and
therefore
,
cities
around the
world
look the same. I personally believe that the advantages of
this
phenomenon
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages because the diversity of the
world
is lost.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Consider expanding your explanation on how cities adopting similar infrastructure impacts cultural diversity and local traditions. This will enhance the response's depth.
task response
Ensure clarity in expressing your opinion. It's vital to clearly state whether advantages truly outweigh disadvantages or to explore both sides equally, aligning with the essay type.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas across paragraphs, not just within them.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear; try to simplify complex sentences for better readability and ensure each sentence links logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for maintaining the structure of your response, ensuring your argument is understood.
task achievement
You've used examples effectively to illustrate your points, particularly the reference to Tokyo and New York, which clarifies your argument about city planning.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well organized, allowing the reader to follow your argument quite easily from one paragraph to the next.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: