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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The line graph represents data regarding
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
population
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the Phlippines
show examples
Phlippines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
,Malaysia,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and Indonesia in the
years
Use synonyms
 between 1970 and 2020.
In addition
Linking Words
, the graph shows
estimated
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the estimated
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 in these different countries have a
tendeny
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
. It seems Malaysia will reach
peak
Correct pronoun usage
its peak
show examples
 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 will have
smallest
Change the article
the smallest
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the year 2040. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
Indonasia
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
 made
smallest
Change the article
the smallest
show examples
 contribution to
Asian
Correct article usage
the Asian
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 among cities
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 15% at the
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 its
population
Use synonyms
 grew gradually over the
years
Use synonyms
 and
Linking Words
besides
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will be
secondary
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a secondary
the secondary
show examples
 country in 2040
according to
Linking Words
 estimations.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 had
secondary
Add an article
a secondary
show examples
 smallest
population
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and showed an increase.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 if predictions
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
occur, it will have
smallest
Change the article
the smallest
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 comparing others in 2040. When we look at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia, its growing trends are analogous to
Thailand
Use synonyms
's. It was
paramount
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a paramount
the paramount
show examples
 city
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 at the
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
. Over the
years
Use synonyms
, its
popultion
Correct your spelling
population
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
grew
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, people think that its
population
Use synonyms
 make up 80% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 Asian
population
Use synonyms
 in 2040
consequently
Linking Words
 it will be the
firstly
Linking Words
 one.
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 remained
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 number of people
whp
Correct your spelling
who
 lived there
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 1970 and 1980. Its
population
Use synonyms
 climbed from 1980 to 1990. Despite
this
Linking Words
, it fell down over twenty
years
Use synonyms
sligtly
Correct your spelling
slightly
. After 2010
population
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started to
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 estimations it will continue to
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 and may
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 be the secondary country by making up 60% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 Asian
population
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, thailand, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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