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Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.‏

#people #competition #work #school #life
In my opinion competition at
work
, at
school
 and in daily
life
 can both be a good thing and a bad thing. Why? because I think too much of anything can be destructive. Yes, it's a very good thing to be competitive but don't overdo it! Having no competition in your
life
 at all can be very depressing
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because you have no motivation, no goals you want to achieve,
everytime
Replace the word
every time
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 you wake up in the morning. I don't believe that there is
such
 thing as "co-operating" too much
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when you
work
 with someone you should
work
 together as a team and co-operate, but
also
 do things for yourself, like something career-wise. You should think of your future in your
work
. That goes the same if you are still in
school
, take my
school
life
for example
. If I am very good at one subject
in particular
, lots of other
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 may come up to me and ask for pointers. I would be very glad to help them. If there is any homework,
school mates
Correct your spelling
schoolmates
show examples
 may come over to do it together,
this
 is
also
 fine and very good for building
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. But sometimes there are people who think you are so nice and ask you to do their
work
 for them.
This
 is where you should draw the line, yes you are friends and you should help each other, but that doesn't mean that you have to do their homework or give them
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
 when there is a test. Remember
life
 is a competition, be a winner.
Submitted by sarahaldhmadi on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs (introduction, body, conclusion) for a more logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your personal opinion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the debate and offers a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Provides relevant examples from personal experiences to support the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
Uses everyday examples that readers can easily relate to, enhancing understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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