IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent om more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Recently, online
classes
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 become more often used
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then
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than
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 real
classes
Use synonyms
 in
school
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building
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buildings
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, which some
people
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 think
it
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apply
show examples
is not suitable for all students ages.
This
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 essay will
dusscus
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both views and provide
the an
Choose an article
an
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 opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, some
people
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 think that Physical
edcuation
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education
 is
importent
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important
 in
the
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apply
show examples
real life because we come
acrose
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across
 it
evrey
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every
 day, from
the
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apply
show examples
sunrise
till
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to
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the
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apply
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sunset. In
addetion
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addition
, Physical education provides
cognative
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cognitive
contant
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content
that is
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 designed to develop motor skills.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, other
people
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belive
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believe
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 that
school
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 is designed for only academic
subject
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subjects
show examples
 since that
it
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apply
show examples
is the
priorty
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priority
 of going to
school
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 in the first place.
However
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, they say that the Physical
classes
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 will not add any benefit
for
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to
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 the student's academic achievement.
Body paragraph 3
In my
openion
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opinion
, I recommend schools to add a little bit of Physical materials in all the curriculums for all ages
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school
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of school
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student
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students
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 because it
make
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makes
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 the IQ a bit higher
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then
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than
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 before.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, Some
people
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 agree that Physical
classes
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 should be added
in
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to
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and some
people
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 do not agree. Anyway, I recommend
the
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that
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 teachers to
provied
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provide
 and
encourge
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encourage
 their students in order to increase student's IQ.

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task achievement
To improve the essay, work on providing clear and specific examples to support each point. This will help in achieving a higher score in task achievement by demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Enhancing the flow of ideas will improve coherence and cohesion, making the essay more engaging and understandable.
general
Revise grammar and vocabulary for clarity. There are several spelling mistakes and minor grammatical errors that could be improved to enhance the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that sets up the discussion of both viewpoints on the subject of including Physical Education in school curriculums.
task achievement
The essay concludes with a personal opinion and a general recommendation, which provides closure and completeness to the response.
coherence cohesion
The main argument is clearly divided into paragraphs, each addressing a different perspective or aspect of the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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