IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent om more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #om #subjects
Recently, online
classes
 become more often used
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 real
classes
 in
school
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
, which some
people
 think
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not suitable for all students ages.
This
 essay will
dusscus
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both views and provide
the an
Choose an article
an
show examples
 opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, some
people
 think that Physical
edcuation
Correct your spelling
education
 is
importent
Correct your spelling
important
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life because we come
acrose
Correct your spelling
across
 it
evrey
Correct your spelling
every
 day, from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sunrise
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sunset. In
addetion
Correct your spelling
addition
, Physical education provides
cognative
Correct your spelling
cognitive
contant
Correct your spelling
content
that is
 designed to develop motor skills.
On the other hand
, other
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
school
 is designed for only academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 since that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the
priorty
Correct your spelling
priority
 of going to
school
 in the first place.
However
, they say that the Physical
classes
 will not add any benefit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the student's academic achievement. In my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I recommend schools to add a little bit of Physical materials in all the curriculums for all ages
school
Change preposition
of school
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 because it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the IQ a bit higher
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 before.
To conclude
, Some
people
 agree that Physical
classes
 should be added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
 and some
people
 do not agree. Anyway, I recommend
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 teachers to
provied
Correct your spelling
provide
 and
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
 their students in order to increase student's IQ.
Submitted by layan992015 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve the essay, work on providing clear and specific examples to support each point. This will help in achieving a higher score in task achievement by demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Enhancing the flow of ideas will improve coherence and cohesion, making the essay more engaging and understandable.
general
Revise grammar and vocabulary for clarity. There are several spelling mistakes and minor grammatical errors that could be improved to enhance the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that sets up the discussion of both viewpoints on the subject of including Physical Education in school curriculums.
task achievement
The essay concludes with a personal opinion and a general recommendation, which provides closure and completeness to the response.
coherence cohesion
The main argument is clearly divided into paragraphs, each addressing a different perspective or aspect of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!