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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #age #women #australia #birth #first #child #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 data
concening
Correct your spelling
concerning
 the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 who have their first child in different ages in Australia , in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly evident that the highest percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 who
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 birth
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 first child was in 1966 for
women
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the ages of 19 to 24,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it decreased by 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for
women
Use synonyms
 between 30 to 34 increases dramatically.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
women
Use synonyms
 between 19 to 24 stood at
highest
Correct pronoun usage
its highest
show examples
injust
Correct your spelling
in just
show examples
 over 60% by 1966,
then
Linking Words
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 significantly to almost 35% by 1985.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it continued to subside
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2006 and hit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rock bottom.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figure
repesented
Correct your spelling
represented
 the
women
Use synonyms
 in the ages from 30 to 34,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from
approxiately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 11% in 1966, and
then
Linking Words
 rose considerably to
jusr
Correct your spelling
just
 under 20% by 1986, Before surge to almost 45% by 2006.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • societal norm
  • lifestyle change
  • predominant age group
  • economic condition
  • significant shift
  • career focus
  • family planning
  • higher education
  • workforce participation
  • comparative analysis
  • speculate
  • technological advancements
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