IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Other believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #climate #effect #life #economy #region
The following pie charts show how
people
 reached their office and returned home in both 1950 and 2009 in Europe.
Overall
, it is interesting to note that the first pie
chart
 in 1959 describes the average distance at 3.5 km with only 17 minutes,
while
 the
chart
 in the year 2009 shows the average distance at 19km, which is nearly two times more than the average duration in 1959 at 42 minutes, which is almost the double.  Having a closer look at the first
chart
, it is remarkable that in 1959, most
people
 were using their feet, which is dominated by more than half at 55%, followed by public transportation
such
 as the train and the bus,
while
 they were both in the same rate at 15%.
In contrast
,
people
 who used their cars were the double of the other way.  Turning to the other pie
chart
, in 2009, cars became more common, which ranked first at 35%,
while
people
 who used their feet had the second highest rate at 25%;
however
, the rest of the methods were under 20%, which are bus, train, and other methods, respectively.
Submitted by talahakoura27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Try to include a more thorough conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed and stating your opinion clearly.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples and data to support your comparisons across the two time periods.
logical structure
While the essay is well-organized, consider adding more linking words to enhance the flow between different sections.
complete response
The essay provides a clear comparison between the two time periods, effectively highlighting changes.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is well-organized, with information presented logically and coherently.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay showcases a detailed analysis of data from the pie charts, presenting a good understanding of the information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: