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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Currently, public places in many
cities
Use synonyms
 of different
countries
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 much more
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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effect
Correct article usage
the effect
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 of
this
Linking Words
 trouble is
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
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, there are several reasons for protecting it. On the one hand, many
cities
Use synonyms
 of
countries
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 becoming
Use synonyms
pollution
Replace the word
polluted
show examples
 by
noise
Use synonyms
, air, and so on. But common of
this
Linking Words
 is
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
create
Change the verb form
creates
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
cities
Use synonyms
becoming
Verb problem
rising
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 population cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
noise
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, coming
tourists
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 from other
countries
Use synonyms
, increasing migrants and
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
 reasons lead to
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
countries
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. Not only,
it
Add a missing verb
does it
show examples
 happen
by
Change preposition
to
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people
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 to it.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 public places
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many
cities
Use synonyms
 have many cars.
Thus
Linking Words
, the sound of them
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trouble might
solve
Wrong verb form
be solved
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several different ways.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 have got to
migrating
Wrong verb form
migrate
show examples
 to other sides. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 older don'
t
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 like
noise
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, even some don'
t
Use synonyms
 adore funny
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children. Migrating is better for them.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 and
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 don'
t
Use synonyms
 ignore
this
Linking Words
 trouble. They'll try to solve
this
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 as, they can limit
tourists
Use synonyms
 that come to
countries
Use synonyms
 or they might send
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
different
Change preposition
to different
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 in a country. Currently, a city of a country
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 to about 200
tourists
Use synonyms
 in a day. They definitely lead to
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 limit to coming many
tourists
Use synonyms
 to a country in a day,
tourists
Use synonyms
 have got to visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
another cutie
other cuties
show examples
cuties
Correct your spelling
cities
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 of a state.
Also
Linking Words
,
sound
Add an article
the sound
show examples
 of cars is harmful and many
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 like it. If
people
Use synonyms
 drive cars
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
limit
Replace the word
limited
show examples
 speed, it's better for many. In conclusion, in
countries
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
things that lead to
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot. They might prevent
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically; ensure each paragraph clearly covers one aspect of the argument.
task achievement
Try to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by developing each point further. Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments better.
task achievement
You have effectively included both sides of the issue in the essay, which shows your ability to address the task.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, setting the essay structure effectively.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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