IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

What are not satisfied with the changing rooms in a sports center that you visit. Write a letter to the sports center manager. In your letter: -Explain the problem. -Say how you feel about this problem. -Say what steps you would like the manager to take.

#rooms #sports #center #visit #manager #-explain #-say #steps
Dear Manager, I am one of the regular
user
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users
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 of the
sport
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sports
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 centre and I am writing to you in
context
Correct article usage
the context
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 of
problem
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the problem
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 everyone facing because of changing rooms.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
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 changeroom seems quite congested and less spacious these days as more people are
joing
Correct your spelling
joining
 the recreation hall. Plus, the locks of two of
the
Remove the article
apply
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these
door
Fix the agreement mistake
doors
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 are not functioning properly.
Few
Change the article
A few
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 days back, someone had difficulty locking doors and struggled for like 1 hour. Having said that, I ponder,
this
Correct word choice
that this
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 problem can actually make people not just frustrated but can
also
 lead people to opt out of recreational activities. Because they can not get
full
Add an article
the full
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 benefit of changing rooms as these are not safe and private anymore.
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 safety and privacy gets at stake.
However
, I feel like renovating cloakrooms into
more
Add an article
a more
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 open and more safe
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 with better locking
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 will
mot
Correct your spelling
not
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 only
to
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apply
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help to get more customers and users but would help to keep present customers more happy and
satisfied
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more satisfied
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.
Lastly
, I hope
feedback
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the feedback
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 given should be considered and taken well care of. Regards Simran
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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coherence and cohesion
Consider dividing your paragraphs more clearly, each focusing on a single idea, to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph consistently flows from one point to the next, maintaining a logical progression throughout the letter.
task achievement
The letter effectively addresses the problem, expressing concern and suggesting practical solutions.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is appropriately polite and formal, suitable for communicating with a manager.
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