IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foregin language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #foregin #language
Nowadays, there are many
people
 who live in a
country
 where you have to speak a foreign
language
while
 others think that it can lead to a negative effect on their life and
this
country
.
Although
 it has some disadvantages to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in a different
country
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 the benefits of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living in a
country
 where you don't have your nationality have more merits.
Firstly
, there are some disadvantages of living in a different
country
 in terms of
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
, miscommunications and cultural dissonance. It depends on
person
Add an article
the person
show examples
, but a lot of
people
 might need to work to make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money and earn
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 livelihood. Undoubtedly
people
 can live easier in their real
country
such
 as working, doing communications and making
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money.
Secondly
, it can be associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the lack of public order security. There are some
people
 who
dont not
Correct your spelling
don't
show examples
 follow the regulations.
For instance
, they might
crime
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crimes
show examples
, steal something and do
violent
Replace the word
violence
show examples
. It particularly leads to worse images,
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 and
atomasphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
.
However
, living in a different
country
 can gain positively the good
methoods
Correct your spelling
methods
 to spend time with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life and their future. One of the primary reasons to support my stance is communication.
For example
,
people
 have time to talk with local
people
 in life
while
 living there
such
 as shopping,
restaurant
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restaurants
show examples
 and
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
. Talking with native
people
 can certainly help your study
such
 as listening and speaking. It may be a good way of
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 a foreign
language
.
Similarly
, it can
bring
Verb problem
teach
show examples
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
language
 to
people
 who live in a different
country
 because they can learn rapidly it and it will be unforgettable instant for them.
Moreover
, it can lead to making friends, learning culture and finding an employment experience if they can
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
 conversations. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a number of advantages and values to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicating
show examples
 with native
people
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 living in a different
country
 has some negative effects, it can inspire
people
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
lot of positive advantages. I personally think that there are huge pros in living in a
country
 where you have to speak a foreign
language
 more than disadvantages.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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task achievement
Your essay provides an adequate response to the prompt, but the arguments require further development to be clearer. Adding more specific examples could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument more explicitly, and use more linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You have attempted to present both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach in task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • language barrier
  • misunderstandings
  • fluency
  • proficiency
  • navigating services
  • career opportunities
  • essential services
  • cultural norms
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • education barriers
  • workplace challenges
What to do next:
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