IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #caregivers
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Some would argue that it will be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best for working parents to put their preschool
children
 in childcare centres rather than give them to family
mambers
Correct your spelling
members
.
While
 grandparents can take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 grandchildren with love, I believe that leaving the
children
 with reliable caregivers are better idea as
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it will be beneficial for their school lives. On the one hand, sending their
children
 to their grandmothers or grandfathers
is seem
Wrong verb form
seems
show examples
 to be
more safety
Correct word choice
safe
show examples
 for parents who have to work. It is because the grandparents love and care
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 grandchild more than the strangers.
For example
, Indonesian mothers or fathers like to give their
children
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family members when they are busy somewhere else since they believe that others may have bigger chances to hurt their
children
 physically and verbally. I,
however
, see that family members mostly do not have enough knowledge and skills about how to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 a child.
On the other hand
, putting the
children
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 professional childcare centres is a prime solution since these places have
such
 a proper regulation of how to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 a child. They will not only take care of the child carefully but
also
 will always upgrade their knowledge regularly.
Hence
, the
children
 can be prepared before they enter their school age. In many developing countries
such
 as the USA, Australia, and the UAE, the
children
 who spend time more at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childcare centres are able to get higher scores later in
elementary
Correct article usage
the elementary
show examples
 stage. I,
thererefore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, would say that
this
 one is a viable solution for busy parents. In conclusion, even though giving the
children
 to the grandparents
is seem
Wrong verb form
seems
show examples
 to be
more safety
Correct word choice
safe
show examples
, I argue that the prime solution is
let
Fix the infinitive
to let
show examples
 the
children
 be
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 by professional ones.
Submitted by lulukfuru on

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Introduction
Consider refining your introduction for clearer expression of the benefits of childcare centers over family caregivers, and rephrase general statements to focus on clearer ideas.
Main Points
Ensure all points are well-developed with comprehensive supporting details and examples to enhance the argument.
Linking Ideas and Cohesion
Work on integrating ideas smoothly with clear logical linking throughout the essay to improve coherence.
Understanding the Task
The essay presents both viewpoints with consideration, showing an understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
The argument is concluded with a stated opinion, completing the response effectively.
Use of Examples
Your examples give specific contexts, such as mentioning countries like the USA, Australia, and the UAE, supporting your points with real-world relevance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • professional care
  • developmental stages
  • cognitive development
  • physical development
  • social development
  • social interaction
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • community belonging
  • personalized care
  • affectionate care
  • family bonds
  • emotional security
  • transmission
  • family values
  • traditions
  • pedagogical methods
  • child psychology
  • flexibility
  • educational development
  • social skills
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