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Band 5

Some say Parents should be the one to make their children a good citizen in society. Others say it also the duty of schools. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#say #parents #children #citizen #society #duty #schools
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Some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their
children
Use synonyms
 how to become good
citizens
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that it is the duty of
schools
Use synonyms
 to teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to become good
citizens
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 provide effective
education
Use synonyms
 specially designated for
children
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach
children
Use synonyms
 to make them good members of
society
Use synonyms
 because
children
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 than in
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
Schools
Use synonyms
 provide effective
education
Use synonyms
 about how to become a good member of
society
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 to
children
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 which is especially designated for them.
This
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 age-appropriate
education
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 method prepares
children
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 to act as good
citizens
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. Most importantly,
this
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education
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 teaches them about what attributes they should have to become a good
citizen
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.
For example
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, in Bangladesh,
children
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 in grade five at
schools
Use synonyms
 study a course named "Social
Norms
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' which teaches
children
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 about the attributes of a responsible
citizen
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.
This
Linking Words
 course teaches
children
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 through play and practical work which they find entertaining and funny.
However
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, I personally believe that
parents
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 are the best
options
Fix the agreement mistake
option
show examples
 to teach
children
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this
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 topic because
children
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 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 than in
schools
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 than in
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. From the age
zero
Change preposition
of zero
show examples
 to four,
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their
time
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 with their
parents
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 at home.
This
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 period is the best
time
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 to teach
children
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 values,
norms
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, good behaviours, customs and languages. Being a good
citizen
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 of
society
Use synonyms
also
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 requires these
norms
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 and behaviours and
therefore
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,
children
Use synonyms
 easily learn those
norms
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 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 at their early ages.
For example
Linking Words
, in India,
children
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while
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 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 learn social and familial
norms
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 in their homes before enrolling in
schools
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
This learnings
Change the determiner
This learning
These learnings
show examples
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 effective and have a lasting impact on
children
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn how to become good
citizens
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn how to become a good
citizen
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 because they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 than in
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
Schools
Use synonyms
 are
also
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 good options in
this
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 regard,
however
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, they only provide knowledge from books, which do not provide
norms
Use synonyms
 and behaviours.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider strengthening your conclusion to encapsulate both sides of the argument before reinforcing your opinion, providing a well-rounded end to your essay.
supported main points
Improve on providing more balanced arguments for each viewpoint, ensuring equal depth and analysis on why schools are also vital in teaching societal values.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that sets up the discussion effectively.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout, moving neatly from one argument to the next.
relevant specific examples
Useful examples were used to highlight the role of both schools and parents.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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