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Band 7

The chart below gives information about the percentages of overweight men and women in Australia between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the percentages of overweight men and women in Australia between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart compares Australian
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
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 in terms of each gender’s overweight proportion from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
males
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 were more likely to be found overweight than
females
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, with a higher
ratio
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 of overweight
males
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 than that of
females
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 shown each
decade
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. In 1980 and 2000, the differences between the two genders were the most noticeable,
while
Linking Words
 in 1990 and 2010, the gaps narrowed. The year 1980 witnessed 28% of female Australian residents
were
Wrong verb form
being
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 overweight, almost half of their male counterparts’
ratio
Use synonyms
 at 52%. In the next
decade
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, from the year 1990, a 5% increase in overweight men and a 10% increase in the overweight
ratio
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 of women weakened the sheer contrast between the ratios found in the
last
Linking Words
decade
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. The overweight
ratio
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 surged by another 20% for
males
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 in 2000,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the change doubled the amount for
females
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, bringing the difference between the two genders visible again. The difference reversed in 2010, distinctive from 1990,
while
Linking Words
 the female
ratio
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 remained the same as the
last
Linking Words
decade
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, the
ratio
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 for
males
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 reduced by 5%, at 49% for
females
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 and 65% for
males
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. In conclusion, overweight problems became more prevalent among both men and women in Australia in these forty years, even though the difference in ratios between the two genders was less discerning in the
last
Linking Words
decade
Use synonyms
 compared with the beginning.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, ratio, decade with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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