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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

#people #animals #captivity #zoos #humans #debate
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Some people believe that
animals
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 should not be kept in
captivity
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such
Linking Words
 as in
zoos
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 because it is wrong. Others think that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
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 beneficial for both humans and
animals
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. I personally believe that
while
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 keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is suitable for their survival because they get everything they need, it is inhumane because they are taken away from their natural
habitats
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. If
animals
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 are kept in
captivity
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, it is beneficial for their survival. Authorities always look after them, and they receive proper nurture, care, food and medical treatment.
Moreover
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, in
captivity
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, there are no chances of being attacked by another prey.
Therefore
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, the survival rate of
animals
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 in
captivity
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 is higher than the survival rate in their natural
habitats
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.
For example
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,
animals
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 which are kept in
zoos
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 show
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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fewer chances of
infected
Add a missing verb
being infected
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 by diseases because the environment is safe and healthy.
However
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, taking away
animals
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 from their natural
habitats
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 and captivating them in
zoos
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 is inhumane.
However
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, keeping
animals
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 in
captivity
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 is inhumane. If
animals
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 are taken away from their
habitats
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, it significantly affects their mental and physical
health
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. If we snatch
animals
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 away from the mother nature
,
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apply
show examples
 and try to fit them in another unnatural environment, it is not suitable for their
health
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.
As a result
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, despite giving healthy food, shelter, safety and medical treatment,
animals
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 mostly suffer in
zoos
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 and sometimes die.
For example
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, in 2019, a survey in Japan
reveal
Wrong verb form
revealed
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 that
animals
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 captivated in
zoos
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 suffer from various diseases only because of their mental
health
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 issues.
Therefore
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, keeping
animals
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 in
captivity
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 is not good for their
health
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 and survival. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
 keeping
animals
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 in
captivity
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 is good for their survival because they get proper nurture and care, it is actually inhumane because taking away
animals
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 from the natural environment affects their
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Expand on examples with specific details or statistics to better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Connect the ideas more explicitly between paragraphs to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both sides of the debate on animal captivity.
task achievement
Consistent use of supporting points to back up your arguments.
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