At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The issue of demographic
trend
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trends
show examples
based on age index has garnered significant attention in recent years. In some
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
the number of young people is more than the
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
ones. I think
this
situation does not have a good impact on lots of portions of a country. To commence with,
senilities
Replace the word
seniors
show examples
have lots of precious experience which can transfer to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immature individuals about different subjects
pertain
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pertaining
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professions, political points and educational
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
.
Although
juniors are important human sources in every land, without the presence of seniors in some positions they cannot do
duties
Correct pronoun usage
their duties
show examples
well or make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
decision
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decisions
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
, in international scope, if the older experienced politicians do not
accompany
Verb problem
attend
show examples
the meeting, the younger ones cannot deal with it. So, the existence of the adults, knowledgeable persons is apparently clear. On the flip side, the being of
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
force is crucial in any
nations
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nation
show examples
, since without them many affairs lie down and the elder ones cannot do them. The mature people can contribute to the development of the territories by helping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the young adults.
For instance
, in teaching and learning situations, the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young men and women
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
irrefutable because the aged senior cannot match
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the new
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
.
Consequently
, the governments need both seniors and juniors to handle the
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
show examples
of the regions. In conclusion, in light of the above discussion, the equivalence of being both youths and senilities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
indispensable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations and societies because of some characteristics
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned earlier.
Submitted by amirghhhhhh1999 on

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task achievement
Try to strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly when discussing the contributions of young and older people.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for maintaining coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the situation, demonstrating a balanced approach to the task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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