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Writing Samples
Band 8

The graph shows the percentage of population working in air-conditioned environments

The graph shows the percentage of population working in air-conditioned environments
The graph illustrates the proportion of people who worked in air-conditioned environments on six different continents in 1990 and 2010.The figure is given in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be seen that the population on all continents who had the opportunity to be employed in air-conditioned workplaces rose comparing 1990 to 2010.
Also
Linking Words
,the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of citizens in Asia working in air-conditioned environments
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased exponentially in the years given.
Whereas
Linking Words
,people in Africa had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in both years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,employees in Asia had risen significantly from just over a fifth to the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 89% which increased by 76%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,Europe and North America had similar patterns in which the
percentage
Use synonyms
 climbed up slightly,increasing from 67 to 71% and from 81 to 83% respectively. The other two continents had a lower proportion.South America had grown from 16% to a third.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,Africa remained the lowest number which increased minimally by 10%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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