IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph indicates data
that
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants for different activities in Melbourne, Australia, between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that people had begun to
busy
Add a missing verb
be busy
show examples
 with musical performances in 2005,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, other activities were interesting for
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 at the beginning of the period.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the
individuals
Correct quantifier usage
number of individuals
show examples
 who were interested in
film
Add an article
the film
show examples
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 and martial arts, their
number
Use synonyms
 remained almost unchanged during the period. So, the
number
Use synonyms
 of film club members there was more
2
Change preposition
than 2
show examples
-3 from the starting point.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 martial arts in 2000 was the same as in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 amateur dramatics and table tennis was equal same count in 2020.
Although
Linking Words
 table tennis participants begin with 18,
then
Linking Words
 it increased sharply
at the end
Linking Words
 of the time. But the count of amateur dramatics lovers decreased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 15 towards 2020.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be seen that it
didn't
Verb problem
wasn't
show examples
 interesting at the beginning,
then
Linking Words
 it rose to approximately 15 people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: