Nowadays, the mobile phone plays a major role in our lives, which brings many benefits to us but also contains some drawbacks. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that mobile
phones
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are playing a major role in our lives.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that there are many benefits to us from
phones
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. It is
also
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an argument there are disadvantages to using a
phone
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.
this
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essay will analyze the topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one
hand
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hand,
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like we said before there are a lot of benefits of using
phones
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, like how contact with others becomes more
esay
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easy
essay
.
In other
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words
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words,
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social media
make
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makes
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it more esay to make new friends from different countries,
for example
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,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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more about their culture,
tradition
Correct word choice
and tradition
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and using a
phone
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
learning and working online more flexible
for example
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using black
bord
Correct your spelling
board
show examples
to take your class.
On the other hand
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, of course, like we have advantages we have
also
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disadvantages. It is
also
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possible to say that we do not have private space everyone can know where we are or if we travel or not, and when we vast each other we sit watching our
phones
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,
moreover
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also
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as a small family they talk less even children
thay
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they
stay all the day playing in them parents'
phone
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and same times kids having there private
phone
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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it makes children have new diseases like
spaking
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speaking
problems and more electricity in their minds. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question, on balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that, we should
to useing
Verb problem
use
show examples
phones
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balance there are no right answers.
Submitted by mona11omar33 on

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Task Achievement
Aim for more detailed and specific examples to further highlight your points. This will add depth to your arguments and provide a clearer understanding for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious of sentence fragments, such as 'while it is a commonly held belief that there are many benefits to us from phones.' Ensure each sentence is complete to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
There are several spelling and grammatical errors such as 'more esay' which should be 'easier,' 'spaking problems' instead of 'speaking problems,' and 'thay stay all the day' instead of 'they stay all day.' Review and correct these inaccuracies to improve readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that sets out the topic and the main points that will be discussed.
Task Achievement
You effectively cover both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, providing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion acknowledges the complexity of the issue while leaning towards a balanced approach to mobile phone usage.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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