In some countries, people encourage their children to get a job or to travel after this and education what are the advantageous and disadvantage?
Every parent has
distinctive
perspective about choosing certain assets for their juveniles. There is a heated argument over the decision of the modern Correct article usage
a distinctive
modern
and father who favours that their kids will do any sort of work after Remove the redundancy
apply
the
schooling or enjoy life in Correct article usage
apply
traveling
. In Change the spelling
travelling
this
essay, both the pros and cons will be discussed for this
matter.
On the one hand, this
decision of caretakers provide
several benefits. Change the verb form
provides
Firstly
, children were able to receive a
practical knowledge by working with the experts in the company. Very early age, minors can gain Correct article usage
apply
hands on
experience that Add a hyphen
hands-on
assist
them Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
to explore
more career insights in the upcoming future Change preposition
in exploring
moreover
, this
addition of learning years has great
backed on the resumes as it Correct article usage
a great
make
Change the verb form
makes
person
Add an article
a person
the person
more
stronger than others in the interviews who have less group over the Change the word
apply
skills
. Thus
, and
individual can build effective problem-solving Correct your spelling
an
skills
, time management, and effective communication in the initial career stage of a work. to illustrate, a survey conducted by the word employment
Correct your spelling
World Employment
agency
(WEA) about 70% of the pupil of America doing Capitalize word
Agency
job
in the Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
multi international
companies before finishing their graduation ceremony.
Add a hyphen
multi-international
Secondly
, financial literacy is the
another advantage of Remove the article
apply
this
trend. Adolescence not only earn money,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
learns
to manage Correct subject-verb agreement
learn
the
expenses. Change the word
their
In addition
, young people become more aware about
Change the preposition
of
the
budgeting Correct article usage
apply
skills
at this
age. Period. As,
Remove the comma
apply
this
kind of environment educate
them, some valuable lessons like savings for future assets, to clear educational depth. Change the verb form
educates
Therefore
, these qualities seek the overall
development of an individual. Further more
, travelling is the best way to explore divorce, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
cultural
heritage of any country. Kids who spend time Correct word choice
and cultural
in
the trips would get exposure Change preposition
on
of
Change preposition
to
unique
traditions and rituals of various nations. Correct article usage
the unique
This
provides excellent changes in the
human behaviour as social interactions make Correct article usage
apply
person
Add an article
a person
open
minded, build confidence and adaptability, Correct word choice
open-minded
according to
others. So, it is only possible a
Change preposition
for a
person
on money that brings power
of Add an article
the power
self reliance
.
Add a hyphen
self-reliance
On the other hand
, this
change in the living styles bring
some drawbacks. First is Change the verb form
brings
delay
in Add an article
a delay
the
higher education. Creating Correct article usage
apply
gap
or postponing Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
post education
creates Academy interruptions. Even thoughAdd a hyphen
post-education
,
part-time learning is available, it still lacks the proper full-time classroom structural Remove the comma
apply
learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
further
, stagnations in the courier is
noticed in these jobseekers. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
This
entry-level jobs
has little long-term advantage. Fix the agreement mistake
job
Instead
, it only delayed career growth has
Correct your spelling
as
person
would not get any promotions Correct article usage
a person
due to
his or her law qualification. As a result
, professional growth is minimized. Additionally
, lack
of accomplishments in the ongoing work will lead to several ups and downs. asCorrect article usage
a lack
,
Remove the comma
apply
unpredictable
income of these temporary jobs cannot support Add an article
the unpredictable
an unpredictable
to
tour finances or others. Fix the infinitive
apply
Consequently
, person
get caught in these financial drains.
Fix the agreement mistake
people
Overall
, it is evident that both sides of her valid points, but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore
, it is not essential to get a job offer after pursuing Correct article usage
a masters
masters
in Change noun form
master's
specific
field, as it only depends upon the Add an article
a specific
child
learning Change noun form
child's
skills
.Submitted by sarabjeetk8899 on
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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the coherence between paragraphs by using better transitions. For instance, you can use phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast,' to clearly distinguish between different points or sections of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main thesis with clearly structured arguments. Consider outlining before writing to stay focused.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the disadvantages of the topic to provide a well-balanced discussion. You can add more specific examples or statistics if available.
task achievement
Work on clarity by simplifying complex sentences. Double-check for grammar to avoid any misunderstandings.
task achievement
Your essay presents both viewpoints - the advantages and disadvantages - which provides a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Including data like the one from the Word Employment Agency survey adds credibility to your arguments. Keep using relevant examples to strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well. This is essential in achieving a coherent and cohesive text.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example