In some countries, people encourage their children to get a job or to travel after this and education what are the advantageous and disadvantage?

Every parent has
distinctive
Correct article usage
a distinctive
show examples
perspective about choosing certain assets for their juveniles. There is a heated argument over the decision of the modern
modern
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and father who favours that their kids will do any sort of work after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schooling or enjoy life in
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. In
this
essay, both the pros and cons will be discussed for
this
matter. On the one hand,
this
decision of caretakers
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
several benefits.
Firstly
, children were able to receive
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical knowledge by working with the experts in the company. Very early age, minors can gain
hands on
Add a hyphen
hands-on
show examples
experience that
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
them
to explore
Change preposition
in exploring
show examples
more career insights in the upcoming future
moreover
,
this
addition of learning years has
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
backed on the resumes as it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stronger than others in the interviews who have less group over the
skills
.
Thus
,
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
individual can build effective problem-solving
skills
, time management, and effective communication in the initial career stage of a work. to illustrate, a survey conducted by the
word employment
Correct your spelling
World Employment
show examples
agency
Capitalize word
Agency
show examples
(WEA) about 70% of the pupil of America doing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in the
multi international
Add a hyphen
multi-international
show examples
companies before finishing their graduation ceremony.
Secondly
, financial literacy is
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another advantage of
this
trend. Adolescence not only earn money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
learns
Correct subject-verb agreement
learn
show examples
to manage
the
Change the word
their
show examples
expenses.
In addition
, young people become more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
budgeting
skills
at
this
age. Period. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
kind of environment
educate
Change the verb form
educates
show examples
them, some valuable lessons like savings for future assets, to clear educational depth.
Therefore
, these qualities seek the
overall
development of an individual.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, travelling is the best way to explore divorce,
cultural
Correct word choice
and cultural
show examples
heritage of any country. Kids who spend time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the trips would get exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
unique
Correct article usage
the unique
show examples
traditions and rituals of various nations.
This
provides excellent changes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human behaviour as social interactions make
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
open
Correct word choice
open-minded
show examples
minded, build confidence and adaptability,
according to
others. So, it is only possible
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
person
on money that brings
power
Add an article
the power
show examples
of
self reliance
Add a hyphen
self-reliance
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
this
change in the living styles
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
some drawbacks. First is
delay
Add an article
a delay
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher education. Creating
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
or postponing
post education
Add a hyphen
post-education
show examples
creates Academy interruptions. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
part-time learning is available, it still lacks the proper full-time classroom structural
learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
show examples
further
, stagnations in the courier
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
noticed in these jobseekers.
This
entry-level
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
has little long-term advantage.
Instead
, it only delayed career growth
has
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
would not get any promotions
due to
his or her law qualification.
As a result
, professional growth is minimized.
Additionally
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of accomplishments in the ongoing work will lead to several ups and downs. as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
unpredictable
Add an article
the unpredictable
an unpredictable
show examples
income of these temporary jobs cannot support
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
tour finances or others.
Consequently
,
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
get caught in these financial drains.
Overall
, it is evident that both sides of her valid points, but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Therefore
, it is not essential to get a job offer after pursuing
Correct article usage
a masters
show examples
masters
Change noun form
master's
show examples
in
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
field, as it only depends upon the
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
learning
skills
.
Submitted by sarabjeetk8899 on

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the coherence between paragraphs by using better transitions. For instance, you can use phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast,' to clearly distinguish between different points or sections of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main thesis with clearly structured arguments. Consider outlining before writing to stay focused.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the disadvantages of the topic to provide a well-balanced discussion. You can add more specific examples or statistics if available.
task achievement
Work on clarity by simplifying complex sentences. Double-check for grammar to avoid any misunderstandings.
task achievement
Your essay presents both viewpoints - the advantages and disadvantages - which provides a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Including data like the one from the Word Employment Agency survey adds credibility to your arguments. Keep using relevant examples to strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well. This is essential in achieving a coherent and cohesive text.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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