IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities. Others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
The family always looking to take the best step for the children, so some of them decide to
focuse
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focus
 on the
learnig
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learning
 side and the premium school which leads them to a great university.
Howoever
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However
 if see the
negitives
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negatives
 of that situation we will find the bad
enviurement
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environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 kids,
alot
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a lot
 of
entertiatment
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entertainment
 that lead them to a
know
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new
show examples
 tune may have
unhappey
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unhappy
 results.
Body · 1
If we go to the cities and take a tour through the city you will discover a dark side including enemies and gangs who carry
the
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apply
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guns and drugs
everwhere
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everywhere
show examples
 fighting to sell junk things to our kids when the police
doesn't
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don't
show examples
 see what
happend
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happened
happens
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Body · 2
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the cities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high tax will cost your back and stop your
breaths
Fix the agreement mistake
breath
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 so
Correct pronoun usage
you coulde
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coulde
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could
 handle the money wallet
so
Correct word choice
apply
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you never build the future for them and put a heavy
prussre
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pressure
 in front of them.
Body · 3
Must think before
bring
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bringing
show examples
 families to the cities only if you
a
Add a missing verb
are a
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wealthy man and make sure you will take care
for
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of
show examples
 them.
Body · 4
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the other
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other
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 I
belive
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believe
show examples
 living in
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
 same a village which
absoulatly
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absolutely
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 an amazing
envierment
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environment
 and weather to
grow up
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the kids to be
a
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apply
show examples
gentelmen
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gentlemen
gentleman
, and we can explain the reasons for that.
Conclusion
The important
reasone
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reason
reasons
 is we know all
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the familes
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familes
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families
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
Linking Words
besides
Replace the word
beside
show examples
 us, so we
gurante
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guarantee
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
freinds
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friends
 for them so we aren't feared to watch them all the time, just giving them
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to lead into
imagintion
Correct article usage
an imagintion
show examples
 world which
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 a
realstice
Correct your spelling
reality
 after
Linking Words
while
Correct article usage
an while
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct idea. Use linking words to show connections between ideas more clearly.
task achievement
For a better task response, make sure to fully address both sides of the argument. Elaborate on each viewpoint more thoroughly, giving balanced argumentation before expressing your opinion.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, make sure to check grammar, punctuation, and spelling. This will help to deliver a clearer message and enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay makes a reasonable attempt at discussing both views: the advantages of city life and the positive environmental influences of the countryside.
task achievement
You express a personal opinion, supporting the perspective that the countryside offers a better environment for children's upbringing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban upbringing
  • cultural diversity
  • serene environment
  • open-mindedness
  • adaptability
  • health and wellbeing
  • quality education
  • healthcare facilities
  • sense of community
  • independence
  • creativity
  • physical and mental wellbeing
  • social bonds
  • enrichment
  • exposure
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