IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write a letter to your friend asking him or her to take care of your childern while you are away on a business trip. In your letter, Write what they like to eat . Write how they would spend their time. Suggest an arrangement to pick them up after the trip

#friend #care #childern #business #trip #time #arrangement
Dear Raj Hope
this
 letter finds you well . I am writing
this
 letter to get
favour
Correct article usage
a favour
show examples
 from your side as I am going
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 trip
along with
 my colleagues in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States next week. Well as you know I am working in
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
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 sector so my company are sending their employees
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 trip
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
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 , I am going next week.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I was going I
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 you to take care
my
Change preposition
of my
show examples
 kids because I do not have my family member with me and
more over
Correct your spelling
moreover
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 you are the only person in my life that I trust blindly and
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to look after my children in the absence of myself.
Besides
 that, I want to share their eating routine
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 you so that they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 fall sick . My kid likes to drink milk
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
 morning
along with
 some nuts so I want you to buy some extra milk and their favourite nuts.
Moreover
, my adolescents want to go
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outside in the evening time so I want you to spend some time in
park
Correct article usage
the park
show examples
 or garden with them which makes them happy.
In addition
 to
this
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe you will surely help me in
this
 difficult time . I would say that please come
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 my house to pick up my kid just a day before I
am going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
. Looking
forword
Correct your spelling
forward
 to
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 you and hearing a positive response from your side. yours truly, Navdeep
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that could be improved for clarity.
logical structure
Try to include all the information in a clear and well-organized manner, ensuring each paragraph has a distinct main idea.
greeting and closing
The letter has a clear greeting and closing, which contributes positively to its overall structure.
task achievement
The request for your friend to take care of your children while you are away is clearly stated, addressing the task requirement effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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