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Band 7

This bar graph shows the number of days lost due to injury per worker for five countries.There are three tome periods shown begining witn the year 1991 and ending in 2005.

This bar graph shows the number of days lost due to injury per worker for five countries.There are three tome periods shown begining witn the year 1991 and ending in 2005.
The bar chart illustrates how many
days
Use synonyms
 each worker lost
according to
Linking Words
 injury in five different countries.The figure presents three time periods,each
period
Use synonyms
 has five-year intervals from 1991 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be seen that China had the most worker's
days
Use synonyms
 lost in the
last
Linking Words
 decade.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,The
number
Use synonyms
 of employee
days
Use synonyms
 lost in China,Korea and America had upward trends within the
period
Use synonyms
 given.
However
Linking Words
,the rising rates are different.China began with the most
days
Use synonyms
 lost which was around 6.5
days
Use synonyms
.After that,the
number
Use synonyms
 grew exponentially to around 8
days
Use synonyms
 and eventually reached a peak at just under 10
days
Use synonyms
.America and Korea had different starting points,which were at 3 and 3.5
days
Use synonyms
 respectively but
finally
Linking Words
 ended at the same
number
Use synonyms
 at just over 5
days
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,Germany had a downward trend,which in the first
period
Use synonyms
 was around 3
days
Use synonyms
 and the
number
Use synonyms
 declined to under 2.5
days
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,The
number
Use synonyms
 in Brazil fluctuated.In the first
period
Use synonyms
,it accounted for around 6.5
days
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 slightly dropped to 6
days
Use synonyms
 but eventually the
number
Use synonyms
 climbed up to 7.5
days
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words days, period, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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