It is often argued by many that historical objects should be returned to their country of origin. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is universally acknowledged that ancient
objects
are unique and exclusive and illustrate history and ancient culture .In
this
regard
Add a comma
regard,
show examples
they are protectively retained in highly advanced museums. Recently, maintaining them in another region has sparked controversy regarding whether historical
objects
should be returned to their original place.
Hence
,
this
essay will discuss my negative orientation towards
this
statement
along with
supportive reasons. It is undeniable that protecting these historical
objects
requires high-tech and specialized facilities. Some of these extremely old
items
are remarkably sensitive and need to be maintained in
an advanced equipment
Remove the article
advanced equipment
a piece of advanced equipment
show examples
.
However
, providing
this facilities
Change the determiner
this facility
these facilities
show examples
requires a huge budget, which sometimes is hard to be prepared by
original
Correct article usage
the original
show examples
countries.
Thus
, in order to save them, it is highly recommended to transport these historical
items
to another region with high-tech amenities.
For example
, the
died
Replace the word
dead
show examples
body of Salty Men,
dicovered
Correct your spelling
discovered
in Zanjan, Iran,
beloned
Correct your spelling
belonged
to 100 years ago, were transported to London because of
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
capsules which were not available in Iran.
On the other hand
, it is believed that it is a practical way to attract
tourists
to the original
country
. To put it differently, most
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
historical
items
are retained in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous museums
in
Change preposition
around
show examples
the world where are visited by thousands of
tourists
. Visiting these historical
items
by
tourists
and
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
can incentivize them to travel
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
country
of origin.
Consequently
, the origin of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
can be a tourist destination
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
presenting its culture by sending an ancient item to another
country
.
For example
, a column of Pasargad, the oldest structure in the world, is
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
in the
Luvure
Correct your spelling
Louvre
Museum in Paris.
This
encourages foreign people to visit Pasargad in Iran. In conclusion, historical
objects
are presenting
Wrong verb form
present
show examples
the original culture of countries and they are significantly vital for history. In
this
regard, they should be protected in developed facilities
as well as
they can be a good encouragement for
tourists
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. Your second and third paragraphs could be more distinctly separated in focus by clearly outlining the advantages and disadvantages rather than mixing them.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to provide more details on how these examples directly support the main point.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use linking words appropriately to connect your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that set the stage and summarize the main points nicely.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the Salty Men and Pasargad column, which provide specific evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are generally clear and follow logically, creating a reasonable argument structure throughout the essay.

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