IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often argued by many that historical objects should be returned to their country of origin. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is universally acknowledged that ancient
objects
Use synonyms
 are unique and exclusive and illustrate history and ancient culture .In
this
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regard
Add a comma
regard,
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 they are protectively retained in highly advanced museums. Recently, maintaining them in another region has sparked controversy regarding whether historical
objects
Use synonyms
 should be returned to their original place.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay will discuss my negative orientation towards
this
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 statement
along with
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 supportive reasons. It is undeniable that protecting these historical
objects
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 requires high-tech and specialized facilities. Some of these extremely old
items
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 are remarkably sensitive and need to be maintained in
an advanced equipment
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advanced equipment
a piece of advanced equipment
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.
However
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, providing
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this facilities
Change the determiner
this facility
these facilities
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 requires a huge budget, which sometimes is hard to be prepared by
original
Correct article usage
the original
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 countries.
Thus
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, in order to save them, it is highly recommended to transport these historical
items
Use synonyms
 to another region with high-tech amenities.
For example
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, the
died
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dead
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 body of Salty Men,
dicovered
Correct your spelling
discovered
 in Zanjan, Iran,
beloned
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belonged
 to 100 years ago, were transported to London because of
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 capsules which were not available in Iran.
On the other hand
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, it is believed that it is a practical way to attract
tourists
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 to the original
country
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. To put it differently, most
these
Change preposition
of these
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 historical
items
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 are retained in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous museums
in
Change preposition
around
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 the world where are visited by thousands of
tourists
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. Visiting these historical
items
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 by
tourists
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 and
travelers
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travellers
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 can incentivize them to travel
the
Change preposition
to the
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country
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 of origin.
Consequently
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, the origin of
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country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 can be a tourist destination
through
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by
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 presenting its culture by sending an ancient item to another
country
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.
For example
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, a column of Pasargad, the oldest structure in the world, is
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintained
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 in the
Luvure
Correct your spelling
Louvre
 Museum in Paris.
This
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 encourages foreign people to visit Pasargad in Iran. In conclusion, historical
objects
Use synonyms
are presenting
Wrong verb form
present
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 the original culture of countries and they are significantly vital for history. In
this
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 regard, they should be protected in developed facilities
as well as
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 they can be a good encouragement for
tourists
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. Your second and third paragraphs could be more distinctly separated in focus by clearly outlining the advantages and disadvantages rather than mixing them.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to provide more details on how these examples directly support the main point.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use linking words appropriately to connect your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that set the stage and summarize the main points nicely.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the Salty Men and Pasargad column, which provide specific evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are generally clear and follow logically, creating a reasonable argument structure throughout the essay.
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