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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fitures and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fitures and make comparisons where relevant
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The illustration depicts the structural changes of the West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 from its establishment in 1950 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, several changes have been made in the
school
Use synonyms
 compound throughout the time period. The
houses
Use synonyms
 near the road are totally absent on the latest map
while
Linking Words
 the farmland was changed to the
sports
Use synonyms
field
Use synonyms
 and later it was used to enhance the area of car parking. Meanwhile, the science block was established after the removal of
houses
Use synonyms
 and the
playground
Use synonyms
 was squeezed to make spaces for the new sportsfield
while
Linking Words
 the main
school
Use synonyms
 building remained the same. In 1950, there was a
school
Use synonyms
 building with a number of
houses
Use synonyms
, a
playground
Use synonyms
 and farmland. In 1980, the
houses
Use synonyms
 were removed and a car
parking
Replace the word
park
show examples
 and a science building were built. In the meantime,
farmland
Correct article usage
the farmland
show examples
 was converted
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
field
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
playground
Use synonyms
 remained the same. In the year 2010, a couple of changes took place where the car parking was enlarged, occupying the
sports
Use synonyms
field
Use synonyms
 and the previous parking area. The
playground
Use synonyms
 was shrunk in order to establish a new
sports
Use synonyms
field
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 smaller than the previous one.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 block and the main
school
Use synonyms
 building remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 after their founding structure.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, houses, sports, field, playground with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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