IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays governments are investing more in public transport such as buses and trains rather than in building new roads. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#governments #transport #buses #trains #roads
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It is argued that
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 governments are focusing their investment
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
transportation
instead
 of adding new roads.
While
 it may be more useful, we
also
 need to consider that it may not be able to
solved
Change the verb
solve
show examples
 the
traffic
 jam problems soon.
Nevertheless
, I support the idea
to develop
Change preposition
of developing
show examples
 mass transport. The proponent of public
transportation
 is that it is more efficient. By developing a
transportation
 infrastructure for the public, it is expected that all
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 of society can utilize it,
hence
 there will be more
people
 that can use it.
This
 increase in usage will make the community use less of their private vehicles,
thus
 decreasing the probability of
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.
Real life
Add a hyphen
Real-life
show examples
 case can be found in Melbourne, as its citizens
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 satisfied with its connected bus, train and tram network, which makes the road less congested.
On the other hand
, adding new roads can be seen as a quicker solution to enhance the
traffic
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 concern,
this
 feature is unsustainable
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long period, since it only
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
people
 to use their own car
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will only create more
traffic
. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 to break
this
 vicious cycle can be found in public
transportation
,
due to
 its ability to move a significant amount of
people
 at the same time.
For instance
, a bus can carry 40 persons
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a compact vehicle
while
 cars
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 more space to move the same amount of individuals.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 summary, I agree with the government as the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of investing in mass
transportation
 outweigh its negative aspects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since it is more efficient
to carry
Change preposition
for carrying
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of
people
Submitted by auliahakim0001 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how public transport systems can be implemented successfully in various contexts.
task achievement
Expand on the disadvantages of government investment in public transport to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that topic sentences clearly resonate with the main ideas to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position in favor of investing in public transportation.
task achievement
The points discussed are relevant and supported with specific examples, such as the Melbourne case.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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