Some people believe that parents have great influence on children's growth, but others think that influence from the outside plays a more important role. Discuss both test views and give your own opinion.

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I was thinking about the impact of the
parents
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on the
children
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children's

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growth
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and behaviours and the outside
factors
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which may affect the
growth
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correspondingly, after discussing the diversity of people's opinions I think the impact depends on the situation ,in some
casies
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cases

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The
Parents
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have a greater
affect
Replace the word
effect

The word affect may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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and other
casies
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cases

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totaly
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totally

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the opposite. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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many evidences which support my opinion and illustrate the two different situations, in the year of 2009, The University of MIT
established
Verb problem
conducted

There may be a verb use issue here.

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a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun research in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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research about
kids
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kids'
kid's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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welfare and
growth
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discussing the important
factors
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,They tested
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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400
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in their early life,
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

research
had
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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lead
Wrong verb form
led

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb lead. Consider changing it.

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to a result which
consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

confirmed that the
parents
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who rule the home has the greater impact with a huge percentage of 75% among the other
factors
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words

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,The famous
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese

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psychologist
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr

The abbreviated title Dr. seems to be punctuated incorrectly. Consider changing the punctuation.

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Suzuki wrote a book with the total " The Human
Mind
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Growth
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",
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

book
certenly
Correct your spelling
certainly

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had
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb had appears to be unnecessary here.

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provided many surveys which
tells
Correct subject-verb agreement
tell

It seems that the verb tells does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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us that the outsider
factors
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the main Affecter and
determines
Correct subject-verb agreement
determine

It seems that the verb determines does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the final shape of the human
mind
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

after completing the
growth
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regardless the
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'

It appears that the word parents should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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existence ,Dr.Suzuki
standed
Correct your spelling
stood

It appears that the verb standed is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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for many
scientifical
Correct your spelling
scientific

The word scientifical doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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resourses
Correct your spelling
resources

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to strengthen
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

idea.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, The
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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mind
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may be
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
Correct your spelling
affected

The word effected doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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by the
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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own
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or by
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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outside
legislations
Fix the agreement mistake
legislation

It seems that legislations may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,by illustrating the opposite opinions it can be clear that the
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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mind
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

depends on more
complecated
Correct your spelling
complicated

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factors
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for each situation, so the
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can not be the most effecter for all the time and the outside
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the introduction and conclusion to clearly present and wrap up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Develop a logical structure to ensure a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and support your main points more substantially for stronger task achievement.
task achievement
Address both views evenly in the essay, ensuring that each point is thoroughly discussed.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents an opinion, which fulfills the basic requirement of the task.
task achievement
The essay provides examples, such as referencing a study from MIT, to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Attempts to use evidence and examples to support claims, adding depth to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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