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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that parents have great influence on children's growth, but others think that influence from the outside plays a more important role. Discuss both test views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
I was thinking about the impact of the
parents
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 on the
children
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children's
show examples
growth
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 and behaviours and the outside
factors
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 which may affect the
growth
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 correspondingly, after discussing the diversity of people's opinions I think the impact depends on the situation ,in some
casies
Correct your spelling
cases
 The
Parents
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 have a greater
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 and other
casies
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cases
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 the opposite.
Body paragraph 1
There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 many evidences which support my opinion and illustrate the two different situations, in the year of 2009, The University of MIT
established
Verb problem
conducted
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a
Remove the article
apply
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research about
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 welfare and
growth
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 discussing the important
factors
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 ,They tested
a
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apply
show examples
400
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 in their early life,
This
Linking Words
 research
had
Verb problem
apply
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to a result which
consequently
Linking Words
 confirmed that the
parents
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 who rule the home has the greater impact with a huge percentage of 75% among the other
factors
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,The famous
japanese
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Japanese
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 psychologist
Dr.
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Dr
show examples
Suzuki wrote a book with the total " The Human
Mind
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Growth
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 ",
this
Linking Words
 book
certenly
Correct your spelling
certainly
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provided many surveys which
tells
Correct subject-verb agreement
tell
show examples
 us that the outsider
factors
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is
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are
show examples
 the main Affecter and
determines
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determine
show examples
 the final shape of the human
mind
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 after completing the
growth
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 regardless the
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 existence ,Dr.Suzuki
standed
Correct your spelling
stood
show examples
 for many
scientifical
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scientific
show examples
resourses
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resources
 to strengthen
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Body paragraph 3
To sum up
Linking Words
, The
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
mind
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 may be
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by the
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 own
parents
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 or by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outside
legislations
Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
show examples
Conclusion
,by illustrating the opposite opinions it can be clear that the
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
mind
Use synonyms
 depends on more
complecated
Correct your spelling
complicated
factors
Use synonyms
 for each situation, so the
parents
Use synonyms
 can not be the most effecter for all the time and the outside
also
Linking Words
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the introduction and conclusion to clearly present and wrap up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Develop a logical structure to ensure a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and support your main points more substantially for stronger task achievement.
task achievement
Address both views evenly in the essay, ensuring that each point is thoroughly discussed.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents an opinion, which fulfills the basic requirement of the task.
task achievement
The essay provides examples, such as referencing a study from MIT, to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Attempts to use evidence and examples to support claims, adding depth to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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