IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the main purpose of education is to prepare people to be useful members for society. Others say that the purpose of education is to achieve personal wishes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #purpose #education #members #society
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It is believed by
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of humans that the main role of studying is reaching personal wishes or whether to be an advantageous
person
 for people in
society
. In
this
 essay, I gave some shreds of evidence with examples. On the one hand, the main goal of being rational in the field of
education
 is to be rich and achieve a reputation among people in
society
 by assisting or being generous. In families, parents want to raise
children
 who will be rich , and generous and find a site among their peers in
society
.
Education
 can provide opportunities for
individuals
 from disadvantaged backgrounds to improve their circumstances, promoting equality and social justice.
Additionally
,
education
 fosters critical thinking and informed decision-making, enabling
individuals
 to contribute to
society
 as active and responsible citizens, participating in democratic processes and community activities. of the reasons for that by having
Correct article usage
a
show examples
respectful generation, parents show up and are proud of their
children
.
For example
, ELON MUSK's mother said that she taught his child to be beneficial for all humans around him and make things which every
person
 needs and uses in daily life the world over.
On the other hand
, parents are making an effort to earn high salaries and invest it in their
children
's
education
 and study the main reason for
that is
 they believe that their investments will definitely return
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
their successful, respectful and reputed generations
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the foreseeable future. By investing they bring their
children
 to previous and high-quality,modern schools which urge every pupil to be educated and find a suitable occupation among their friends because
well-educated
Correct article usage
a well-educated
show examples
 workforce can drive innovation and productivity, contributing to their financial success and personal satisfaction. In previous schools, there are only pupils who have one purpose of being rational and being respectful of their knowledge. With the same atmosphere, every child tries and study hard .
For instance
, one of the popular scientists had learned complex subjects in a previous college with the educational atmosphere and pressure of his peers. In my point of view, every educated
person
 finds a respectful site among the public people by his successful projects and aids for
society
 too. Being a rational
person
 has more benefits for
society
 than for his personal ambitions. Educated
individuals
 are often more involved in their communities , volunteering and participating in initiatives that benefit
society
,
such
 as public health campaigns or environmental conservation efforts.
Apart from
this
, the best
education
 systems prepare
individuals
 not only for personal success but
also
 to contribute positively to
society
.
This
 dual purpose enriches both the individual and the community.
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task achievement
Make sure to explicitly state your thesis in the introduction, summarizing your stance on the topic more clearly. This can guide the reader through your argument better.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs contain run-on sentences that hinder clarity. Try breaking them into shorter, more manageable sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Include clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve flow. Words like 'However,' 'Additionally,' or 'Consequently' can help guide the reader from one idea to the next.
task achievement
The essay provides both viewpoints along with examples, which is critical for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and ties the essay together, reinforcing your stance on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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