July 11 exam discussion The charts below show the proportion ofgraduates with different qualifications working in oneengineering companyin 1980 and 2008

July 11 exam discussion 

The charts below show the proportion

ofgraduates with different qualifications working in

oneengineering companyin 1980 and 2008
The pie charts compare the proportion of graduates with different qualifications working in one engineering company in 1980 and 2008.
Overall
, it can clearly seen that, working in one engineering company in two different years the highest
score
was Master-
science
,
while
the lowest
score
was
Ph
.D.
Art
.
To begin
with the proportion of graduates in 1980 the Master-
science
was the highest
score
at 29%,
while
the lowest
score
was 2% for
PhD
Correct article usage
a PhD
show examples
.
Art
and the
Ph
.D-
science
was higher slightly to 25%. First-degree
science
was lower to 20%. Afterwards, Master
Art
lower
Wrong verb form
lowered
show examples
considerably to 13%.
Then
First degree-
Art
represented 11%. As for 2008, the largest trend was
Ph
.D-
science
at 30%. Master
science
was lower by 1% than PhD
science
. Master-
Art
and First-degree
science
was similar to 12% of graduates. First-degree
Art
was 10% and the lowest
score
was
Ph
.D-
Art
at 7%.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words score, ph, art, science with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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