Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#parents #people #home #age

In my opinion,

people

should stay

home

with family.

let's

Verb problem

Let

show examples

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

explain why I

agree

Add the preposition

agree on

agree to

agree with

show examples

this

point .

Firstly

people

should stay

home

because it can help them keep a good relationship . In Hong Kong , many

people

always stay

home

with their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

weekend

Add an article

the weekend

a weekend

show examples

family

Add an article

the family

show examples

will join together ,

Correct word choice

and share

show examples

their life and the stress .

According

Add the preposition

According to

show examples

Hong Kong news , many teens

cause

Wrong verb form

are caused

show examples

by stress to die. So,

people

should stay

home

with family .

Secondly

people

should stay

home

with family because accompany the

elder

Replace the word

elderly

show examples

According

Add the preposition

According to

show examples

the news , Hong Kong

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

many

elder

Change to a plural noun

elders

show examples

Elder

Fix the agreement mistake

Elders

show examples

always hope

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

family

menbers

Correct your spelling

members

talk to them and accompany yum cha . They

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

people

to take care

them

Change preposition

of them

show examples

. Take me as

Change the article

show examples

example , I need to accompany them to see

doctor

Add an article

a doctor

the doctor

show examples

Therefor

Correct your spelling

Therefore

show examples

, I think

people

stay

Wrong verb form

staying

show examples

home

with family is better . On the other

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

people

should leave

home

because independent . Teens leave

home

Change preposition

with no

show examples

parents to support

them

Change the pronoun

their

show examples

expenditure.

According

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

country

Fix the agreement mistake

countries

show examples

, parents always encourage their child leave

home

when they

was

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

18 years old.

People

leave

home

,they need to solve many problems ,

for example

,rent and school fees . They

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

to have a part-time job to earn money . So,

this

can help

people

independent.

Next,

people

should leave

home

because they need to

try

Add the particle

try to

show examples

have some social activity . Take me as

Change the article

show examples

example, I join

the

Correct article usage

show examples

party with friends ,

Correct word choice

and my

show examples

family

menbers

Correct your spelling

members

will call me ,

what

Correct word choice

but

show examples

don't return

home

. It makes me think

people

need

Add the particle

need to

show examples

leave

home

to have

the

Correct article usage

show examples

person

Replace the word

personal

show examples

life .

To sum up

, I think

people

should stay

home

because

stay

Wrong verb form

staying

show examples

home

can have

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

relationship with your family.

Submitted by asllchkied on Wed Nov 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay addresses both views and provides your opinion, but it requires further development and clearer articulation. Make sure to balance your argument by expanding on both viewpoints more equally, and ensure that you clearly state your own opinion in the introduction as well as in the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next, and use linking words and phrases to guide your reader through your argument. This will improve the logical structure.

Task Achievement

While some relevant examples are provided, they can be more explicit and detailed. Try to illustrate your points with more specific evidence or examples, as this will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, helping frame your argument.

Task Achievement

You have included personal examples to illustrate your points, which adds a personal touch to your essay.

Task Achievement

Your topic provides a balanced discussion of both views, which is essential for this task type.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than the world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

It is important for everyone , including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement.

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

Many students choose to take a gap year before starting university, to travel or gain work experience. Do you think this is a good idea or a waste of time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words.