Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disgree with this opinion?
It is argued that
music
is the best manner to attract individuals from different countries and ages. I totally agree with this
statement. As well as
, people
listen to music
for many reasons especially whan
they want to be Correct your spelling
when
on
Change preposition
in
mood
and relax.
On the one hand, Correct article usage
a mood
music
play
a significant role Change the verb form
plays
to assist
Change preposition
in assisting
people
to relieve stress. For example
, some young people
pay attention to music
after a busy day with more stress and tire
. Wrong verb form
tired
However
, when people
listen to music
they don't care about the
nationality Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
it
just they hear Correct pronoun usage
apply
because
they feel Correct pronoun usage
it because
rest
.So, we can see Wrong verb form
rested
people
from different nations but they prefer the same music
.
One
the Correct your spelling
On
second
hand, Correct word choice
other
people
listen to the
Correct article usage
apply
music
in
various occasions Change preposition
on
such
as, in
the birthday event and the wedding. Change preposition
at
Furthermore
, they listen to different kinds of music
from all around the world. One clear example is the music
of birthday ( happy
Capitalize word
Happy
birth day
to you) we notice that when we watch birthday parties on social media. Those Correct your spelling
birthday
people
listen to this
music
whithout
thinking of the culture or nationality of any Correct your spelling
without
countries
.
In conclusion, individuals from Fix the agreement mistake
country
severl
nations and different ages prefer the same kind of Correct your spelling
several
music
. In addition
, they hear without consider
Change the verb form
considering
of
either criterion or edges.In my opinion that Change preposition
apply
because
Add a missing verb
is because
the
impact force of Change preposition
of the
music
and the similarity of the hearken puropses
.Correct your spelling
purposes
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure for ideas. Currently, there's a lack of smooth transitions and logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, which might confuse readers. Focusing on structuring each paragraph with clear topic sentences could be beneficial.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are relevant and clearly support your main points. The examples provided could be more detailed and directly linked to the argument of music bringing different cultures and ages together.
task achievement
Work on providing a more complete response by exploring different angles of the argument. You can include counterarguments or more specific ways that music unites people.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the overall argument.
task achievement
The response to the task covers the main idea, generally agreeing with the statement and explaining why music brings people together.
task achievement
The essay contains ideas about music's role in stress relief and its presence in events, which are positive starting points for further development.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.