In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

Obesity is a growing
health
issue in the childhood period in different countries. The reason is directly related to the consumption of
food
and the living style, including sluggish habits in daily routines with no exercise. In
this
respect, the government should take possible measures
in checking
Change preposition
to check
show examples
the
food
quality. The issues related to
health
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
always been a major
concerns
Correct the article-noun agreement
concern
show examples
of every human being on the planet. In comparison, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern times, the advancements in processed
food
consumption are directly affecting the
health
of juveniles in the form of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
obesity. First of all, the way of eating habits in youngsters are developing with their taste buds,
therefore
, they are more inclined towards junk
food
rather than a healthy diet.
Secondly
, they are not visibly moving their bodies and they
also
do not play conventional games,
whereas
, they only eat and play video games,
instead
.
Furthermore
, it is
also
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
responsibility of the parents,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
must
Verb problem
apply
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ensure the eating
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
of their children and they are the real reason behind their taste
buds
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buds'
bud's
show examples
development. To decrease
this
rising impact of
food
consumption, the government should design policies and organize particular
food
authorities
where
Correct word choice
whose
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsibility should be to address the
food
quality produced and distributed in the market. It may
also
restrict those
food
items, which are critical to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
health
,
such
as street
food
, fried items, and unhygienic
food
stalls, cafes, and restaurants. They must publicise the awareness among people by addressing
health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
by regulating campaigns against unhealthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
. In conclusion,
health
issues must be taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
parent regarding their children to develop healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Moreover
, the government
also
design
Wrong verb form
designed
show examples
policies to take strict measures against
food
delivering
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delivery
show examples
in the country.
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your points. Some transitions and connections between ideas aren't always clear. Organizing the ideas in a more structured way will help enhance the logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide specific examples or evidence to support your main points. More examples related to policies or individual actions could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Be sure to clarify your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Some points could be explained in greater detail for better clarity.
task achievement
Good attempt at covering reasons for childhood obesity and potential solutions, showing a solid understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion that summarize the main points, which enhances coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • balanced diet
  • fast food
  • sugary snacks
  • physical activity
  • nutrition education
  • health campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • government regulations
  • home-cooked meals
  • extracurricular sports
  • digital entertainment
  • sedentary behavior
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