IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’ How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

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It is observed that large
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world have become overcrowded with private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 over the
last
Linking Words
 three decades.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will present examples of
cities
Use synonyms
 where
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion is a serious problem.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take necessary steps to prevent excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 to reduce the
traffic
Use synonyms
 load on the roads. Many large
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world face heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion daily. New
Yark
Correct your spelling
York
show examples
, London and Karachi are examples of those
cities
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 spend hours in
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams.
For example
Linking Words
, it was reported that in these
cities
Use synonyms
 the average time spent on the roads is about 3 hours a day. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is the
use
Use synonyms
 of personal
vehicles
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of public
transport
Use synonyms
. Most
people
Use synonyms
 prefer their own
cars
Use synonyms
 over public
transport
Use synonyms
 because they believe
cars
Use synonyms
 are quicker for reaching their destinations. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
government
Use synonyms
 should take necessary measures to reduce the
use
Use synonyms
 of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 option they propose is
car-sharing
Add an article
a car-sharing
the car-sharing
show examples
scheme
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
scheme
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 share their private
cars
Use synonyms
 when they reach their destinations.
For example
Linking Words
, the German
government
Use synonyms
 reduced the number of private
cars
Use synonyms
 to almost half within three years of introducing
this
Linking Words
scheme
Use synonyms
. The second-best option is increasing the quality and quantity of the public
transport
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the
government
Use synonyms
 can attract more
people
Use synonyms
 to public buses and trains and prevent them from using their own
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Europe,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 as their
government
Use synonyms
 spent a lot of money in
this
Linking Words
 department to make it quicker, comfortable and cheaper for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
. In conclusion, many metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world experience heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion
due to
Linking Words
 the common
use
Use synonyms
 of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I suggest the
government
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
Use synonyms
 and introduce a car-sharing
scheme
Use synonyms
, so that everyone can
use
Use synonyms
 it and avoid buying their own
cars
Use synonyms
.

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Content
Your essay presents a complete response to the task, addressing both parts: the statement about increased car ownership and potential government measures. However, to enhance effectiveness, consider exploring a greater variety of solutions or delve deeper into the feasibility and potential impact of the ones provided.
Content
Your ideas are generally clear and well-communicated. Ensure that all claims are supported by evidence or examples to maintain clarity, and try to reduce repetition of ideas to keep the argument fresh and engaging.
Structure
The structure of your essay is logical and supports your argument effectively. However, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking words or phrases.
Structure
Your essay effectively presents an introduction and conclusion. Work on ensuring that these sections strongly encapsulate your analysis by summarizing the key points succinctly and powerfully.
Task Response
Your essay's introduction clearly states your position in response to the task, setting a strong foundation for the discussion that follows.
Task Response
You included relevant examples from different cities, enhancing the credibility and relevance of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points of your essay, reinforcing your stance and the recommended solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized and develop your points logically, contributing to the overall readability of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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