Children nowadays are playing less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health and their behaviour. Why do you think this is happening? What can we do to solve the problem?

I think that
children
nowadays are playing less and less sport because they are busy with their studies.For many parents,the desire for their
children
to get in the groove is quite common.They may hope that their
children
can achieve success in a competitive society,driven by their concern and love for their
children
's future,which leads them to place great importance on academic performance.They may arrange various tutoring classes for their
children
due to
placing great importance on their academic performance.The heavy workload of homework from school and different tutoring classes has taken up most of the students' time and spirit so they have to forgive the leisure time in order to finish the unreasonable workload.
Then
,students are playing less and less sport.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
show examples
parents can focus more on the emotional and physical health of their
children
,encouraging them to play more
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly separate your points into well-structured paragraphs with an introduction and conclusion. This will enhance the logic of your response.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and data to support your points, making your essay more compelling and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are developed in a logical order to ensure coherence.
task achievement
You articulate the viewpoint that parental pressure for academic success limits children's time for sports, which is a relevant point.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly identifies potential reasons for the decline in children's sports participation and offers a solution, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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