Ensuring that regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lesson as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Whether having regular physical
exercise
should be the
responsibility
of
parents
and schools should not waste valuable
schol
Correct your spelling
school
time having sports lessons has always been a heated topic among the society.
Avocades
Correct your spelling
Avocados
Advocates
believed that having a longer period of focusing on learning actual
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
would accelerate the learning progress of
students
and would allow them to focus on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
better.
However
,
skeptics
Change the spelling
sceptics
show examples
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
that
such
actions will not only create
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
on
students
but
also
their
parents
.
This
essay would be addressing the advantages and disadvantages of
parents
taking up the
responsibility
of
students
having regular physical
excerise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
Parents
taking up the
responsibility
of the healthy
life
of
students
would surely create a more rapport relationship in one's
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
. By bringing their children out for some exercises,
parents
can create a bond with their son and daughter throughout the
exercise
session where they would communicate and know each other better. Sharing some memories of exercising together or having a weekly sports day can
also
allow
parents
to have a continuous chat with their kids,
such
that problems
such
as
students
having secrets that they would not tell their
parents
or mental illnesses of
students
formed by the lack of communication between they and their
parents
will be less likely to occur. As beneficial as
parents
taking up the
responsibility
of
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for
show examples
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
healthy
life
might seem to be, there are limitations. Despite the large amount of free time
students
have, their
parents
might have a busy work
life
which limits the availability of them taking their children out for an
exercise
session. As not all
parents
have stable jobs, some might have multiple part-time jobs
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
they would not
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
free time during weekends.
Besides
, some sports
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
show examples
are with
charges
Correct subject-verb agreement
charge
show examples
in which some relatively poor families might already have
troubles
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trouble
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
paying the school fees, without any doubt, they would
as well as
not
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
able to afford the cost of having a sport session weekly, in
such
cases, schools will
then
have to take up the
responsibility
of
students
' healthy
life
.
To conclude
, there sure
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
benefits for
parents
taking the
responsibility
of student's physical
exercise
life
, but there are
also
drawbacks and limitations, I believe having a final answer of which is wrong or right would take decades. So just let
students
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have physical exercises in school and let the school take up the
responsibility
at the moment.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Task Response
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Structure your arguments logically. Try using clear topic sentences and ensure that all information flows naturally from one idea to the next.
Task Response
Support your points with more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument.
Task Response
Your essay engages with different perspectives on the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an evident introduction and conclusion which summarize your arguments and perspective.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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