The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Austrailian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Austrailian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. 

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
The two charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
the comparative percentile analysis of
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of domestic
energy
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
in Australia and
resulting
Correct article usage
the resulting
show examples
greenhouse gas
emisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
due to
this
usage.
Overall
, most of the
energy
is used in heating processes in
houses
while
cooling and lighting
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
utilize
Correct article usage
a minmum
show examples
minmum
Correct your spelling
minimum
amount
of
energy
.
Similarly
,
heating
Correct article usage
the heating
show examples
process and other
appliances
emits
Change the verb form
emit
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greenhouse
Add an article
the greenhouse
show examples
gases
while
this
percntage
Correct your spelling
percentage
is low for
referigrating
Correct your spelling
refrigerating
, cooling and lighting sources. On the one hand,
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
amount
of
energy
is
ustilized
Correct your spelling
utilized
utilised
to keep the
houses
and water warm in Australian
houses
with 42 and 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
respectively. Other
appliances
used in
houses
consume
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
most
amount
of
energy
which is around 15 %. Collectively 13 %
energy
Change preposition
of energy
show examples
is dedicated for refrigeration, lighting and cooling purposes.
On the other hand
, almost
equale
Correct your spelling
equal
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of greenhouse
gases
are excreted from water heating which is around 30 %. Contrarily other
appliances
emit more
gases
(around 28 % ) compared to
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of
energy
consumed.
Similarly
around 15 %
gases
Change preposition
of gases
show examples
are released during keeping the
houses
warm.
Moreover
,
refrigrating
Correct your spelling
refrigerating
refrigeration
, lighting and cooling
appliances
contribute to 7 to 14 %
Correct your spelling
gaseous
gaseuos
Change preposition
of gaseuos
show examples
Correct your spelling
emissions
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly, while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, energy, houses, appliances, gases with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: