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Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage of men and women whotravelledto, work by different means of transport in Sydney in 2001.

The table below shows the percentage of men and women whotravelledto, work by different means of transport in Sydney in 2001.
The table illustrates how
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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males and females in Sydney commute to
work
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 by five modes of transportation (bus, car,
motor
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motorbike
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bike
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,
bike
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, and on foot) in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
bus
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the bus
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 was the favorite transport of travelling to
work
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 for both
men
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 and
women
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. Commuting by car,
motor
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motorbike
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bike
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, and
bike
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 were more popular with males than females,
while
Linking Words
 travelling on foot showed the same proportion among both genders. In detail,
bus
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the bus
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 was the only means of transport to
work
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, which attracted more
women
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 than
men
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, and it
also
Linking Words
 saw the biggest gender gap, with 38% of
women
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 in comparison with 32% of
men
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was no gender gap in commuting on foot, chosen by 17% of both
men
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 and
women
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.
By comparison
Linking Words
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 three means of transport showed different patterns. 28% of
men
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 and 27% of
women
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 chose to go to
work
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 by
cars
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car
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, and
smallar
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smaller
 proportions of
men
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 and
women
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prefered
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preferred
 commuting by
bikes
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bike
show examples
, 18% and 16% respectively. Only a small minority of people considered motor
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bike
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bikes
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 as their
options
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option
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 for commuting, with 5% of
men
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 and only 2% of
women
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, bike, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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