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Band 4

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The static graph
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 provides information about the
UK
's ageing
population
 in 1985 and it
also
 makes predictions for 2035.
Overall
 given data describes and predicts
population
 amount by kingdoms and sums up
UK's
Correct article usage
the UK's
show examples
 aged
population
 in total On the whole
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 the statistics in 1985 lowest
population
 rate for people aged 65 and over was in Northern Ireland and
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 was
I
Correct your spelling
in Wales
show examples
wales
.
Above all
 15% of aged people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 living in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
UK
 territory in 1985. As for the prediction in 2035
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 number of old people will be in
Wales
 and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 in England and Northern Ireland and for the whole country
Correct article usage
the
show examples
aged
population
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 and will be over 20% in 1935.
To begin
 with analysing of 1985 statistics residents
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in
Wales
 and
england
Change the capitalization
England
show examples
 by average
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
On the other hand
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 number was recorded in Northern Ireland with slightly over
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% and in Scotland
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 citizens number was almost 15%. To put everything
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 consideration in 1985 15% of
UK's
Correct article usage
the UK's
show examples
population
 was 65 and over .
Furthermore
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 the prediction data, in 2035
Wales
' and Scotland's aged inhabitants
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will be significantly increased to 25%.
In addition
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
population
 rate is increased in Northern
Irland
Correct your spelling
Ireland
show examples
 and England to over 20%. In
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
 as can be expected in 2035 total aged human rate in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 Sharply
rised
Correct your spelling
risen
rise
rose
 to almost 23%.
Submitted by ibragimmamedov2 on

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task achievement
Your essay appropriately explains the graph and provides an overview, which is a good start. However, you should aim to offer more specific data comparisons and a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth logical flow between your paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words to create stronger coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay clearly, which you have done relatively well. Keep refining to ensure these sections are strong and representative.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear overview of the data, highlighting key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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