Write about the following topic: In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effect they have in terms of health on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #parts #world #market #products #whiten #people’s #skin #outline #effect #terms #health #society

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differrent

Correct your spelling

different

parts of the world at

present

Add a comma

present,

show examples

there is so much demand for

skin

brightning

Correct your spelling

brightening

products

and those have

juse

Correct your spelling

just

demand.

this

discuss

Change the verb form

discusses

show examples

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

those

products

and causes the

health

Change preposition

of health

show examples

issues.

Firstly

many

people

want to be fair,

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

they

asume

Correct your spelling

assume

that,

fair

Correct word choice

skinned

show examples

skin

people

looks

Change the verb form

look

show examples

good and attractive, higher social status,

this

belife

Correct your spelling

belief

rooted

Add a missing verb

is rooted

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

historical

influnce

Correct your spelling

influence

influences

. example: if any job for

front

Add an article

the front

show examples

desk will prefer to hair fair and slim who looks good. Another factor

increased

Correct pronoun usage

that increased

show examples

demand for

this

product

many

Add a missing verb

is many

show examples

of the dark

skin

people

tend to use

this

Change the determiner

this product

these products

show examples

products

to get fairness

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

, in some countries

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

lighter

skin

Replace the word

skinned

show examples

people

lead better job

prospect

Fix the agreement mistake

prospects

show examples

and

marrige

Correct your spelling

marriage

opportunities, which will motivate

Add an article

the individual

an individual

show examples

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

to use

skin

whitening

products

despite potential health risk, in some

skin

whitening

products

contains some negative chemicals which have

advers

Correct your spelling

adverse

effect cause itching and irritation

people

should be cautious about those things.

Example

Change preposition

For example

show examples

:- In India Bride like to marry a fair groom. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

lighter

skin

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

impact on dark

skin

tone it leads to social division

steriotypes

Correct your spelling

stereotypes

This

can contribute to discrimination and social inequality.

Submitted by karuna.mk220 on Thu Nov 07 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Consider expanding your introduction and conclusion to provide a clearer framework for your essay. This can help guide the reader through your ideas more effectively and strengthen your essay's overall structure.

logical structure

Organize your ideas more logically, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main point and flows smoothly into the next. This will improve the cohesion of your essay.

clear comprehensive ideas

Develop your ideas more comprehensively, possibly by including statistics, expert opinions, or detailed examples to reinforce your arguments.

task response

Check for minor grammatical and spelling errors, as addressing these can gently enhance your essay's readability.

task achievement

The essay addresses a significant aspect of societal behavior by acknowledging the influence of historical and social factors on people's desire for skin lightening.

relevant specific examples

You include culturally relevant examples, which add authenticity and depth to your discussion, such as the example pertaining to marriage preferences in India.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

184 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural perceptions
Higher social status
Colonial influences
Media promotion
Advertisements
Celebrity endorsements
Self-esteem
Body image
Job prospects
Marriage opportunities
Health risks
Skin irritation
Allergies
Skin cancer
Kidney damage
Toxic substances
Mercury
Hydroquinone
Colorism
Social divisions
Stereotypes
Discrimination
Social inequality

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Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?