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The table below provides information about the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to Ashdown Museum before and after its
renovation
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 during the year.
Additionally
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, the chart illustrates survey results indicating
visitors
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' satisfaction levels over the same two periods.
To begin
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 with, the chart shows that the total
number
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 of
visitors
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 to the museum before refurbishment was 74,000. After the
renovation
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, the
number
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 of
visitors
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 significantly increased to a total of 92,000.
Furthermore
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, survey results indicate that before the
renovation
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, the proportion of satisfied
visitors
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 was notably low, at approximately 30%. Correspondingly, the
number
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 of dissatisfied and very dissatisfied people was markedly high. About 40% of
visitors
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 before restoration were displeased, and 10% of customers were extremely discontented.
On the other hand
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, the second chart compares information on visitor satisfaction levels one year after the
renovation
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.
For instance
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, the
number
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 of very satisfied and satisfied customers increased modestly, reaching 75% of total
visitors
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, with 35% of them being highly pleased.
As a result
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, the percentage of dissatisfied guests decreased significantly, dropping from 40% to 15%.
Moreover
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, the proportion of very dissatisfied
visitors
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 was reduced by half, from 10% to 5
Submitted by ibragimmamedov2 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a clear conclusion to wrap up the content effectively.
task achievement
Try to provide more precise data or comparisons to make the task response more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay effectively compares visitor numbers before and after renovation, as well as satisfaction levels.
coherence cohesion
The content is mostly logically structured with clear comparisons.
task achievement
You provide specific data that supports your analysis, which enriches your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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