In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
In contemporary times,
women
prefer to do jobs at the workplace after their children reach to
the age of adultery. Doing a job is a good source of keeping oneself busy, financially stable, and independent. Change preposition
apply
However
, there may be some consequences of joining any workforce, which will be discussed further
.
To begin
with
the advantages of Add a comma
with,
women
's participation in the job in any field has
become a vital source of producing an effective economy because they play a vital role Correct subject-verb agreement
have
as
equally to men. First of all, Change preposition
apply
women
are independent and skillful
in many ways, Change the spelling
skilful
such
as they better understand the way of expenses to be spent in the house or outside. Moreover
, they are quite efficient in doing multiple work
at the same time; for
instance
, they better know how to run the house and office simultaneously.
For
instance
, in the field of marketing and human resources, women
are considered more reliable due to
their speaking skills and convincing behaviour. Secondly
, in the current economic conditions, women
are most likely to do work
equally to divide the house-hold
expenses, Correct your spelling
household
therefore
they prefer to do Add an article
the job
job
when their kids have grown. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
For
instance
, in Japan, mostly
Correct your spelling
most
women
work
until elderly because physical activities enhance their physical maintenance.
In contrast
, there are few
disadvantages, which may Correct article usage
a few
cause
an effect Verb problem
have
upon
Change preposition
on
women
's family
because sometimes, Fix the agreement mistake
families
workload
can be very exhaustive and can easily make them irritated. Add an article
the workload
For
instance
, currently
Add a comma
currently,
women
are participating in online work
, which may cause a situation in which women
cannot take care of their children. Moreover
, sometimes, working hours of remote jobs may not be flexible all the time, in such
case
, it may Fix the agreement mistake
cases
also
impact the life of a child.
In conclusion, women
are considered as
an essential entity of Change preposition
apply
a
society, and they Remove the article
apply
also
play a crucial role in the economy by doing jobs of different nature
. Fix the agreement mistake
natures
However
, in some cases, their busy routine can cause negligence towards children, which may effect
their lives.Correct your spelling
affect
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Task Response
Try to maintain consistency when discussing the age of children. Initially, you mention 'after their children reach the age of adultery,' which is inconsistent with the topic that refers to 'young children.' Clarifying this will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the central argument. This will improve the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Balance out more the advantages and disadvantages. While you have provided specific examples and a thorough discussion on advantages, the disadvantages could be elaborated further for greater depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as women working in Japan until elderly age, effectively illustrate your points and make your arguments more vivid.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively communicates clear ideas and presents comprehensive explanations for the advantages of women working, such as their multi-tasking abilities and contribution to the economy.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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