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Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#say #music #subjects #schools #level
Music
Add an article
The music
show examples
 industry is a growing business in today's society. People
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 discovered
music
 many years ago.
However
, the study of
music
 remains controversial
in particular
 at the preschool level. In my opinion,
music
 should be taught and emphasized as a major subject like science stream and here are my reasons.
Firstly
,
music
 promotes creativity. Research has shown that
music
 stimulates the same part of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 that enhances a
persons'
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person's
show examples
 creative ideas. As we know, kindergarten school children
absorbs
Change the verb form
absorb
show examples
 new knowledge like a sponge. They can easily learn new art or knowledge quickly.
For
this
 reason, introducing
music
 to
this
 age group will create a generation not only knowledgeable in other subjects
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 more artistic.
Secondly
,
music
 brings a more colourful life to preschool goers. Many studies have shown that
music
 has
a strong relations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a strong relation
strong relations
show examples
 to one's emotions. It has
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
show examples
 in unborn babies that they become excited or
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 based on the type of
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 placed on their mother's belly.
This
 has the same concept for kids and adults.
For instance
, kids who play alongside a
music
 game tend to be more energetic and happy. In conclusion, whilst many parents are still sceptical
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the study of
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
, it has a lot of benefits
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young children. Not only
music
creates
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 an artistic mind for the young, but they can find peace in studying something fun.
Therefore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree that studying
music
 in preschool children is as important as other subjects.
Submitted by Nezzy on

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task response
You have provided a clear stance on the topic and attempted to support it with reasons. However, try to incorporate more research-based or widely recognized examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph clearly links back to your main argument for better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider having more variety in sentence structures and using linking words to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, providing a clear framework for your ideas.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and stays relevant throughout.
task response
You have expressed your ideas clearly and logically, making your opinion understandable to the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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