Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#say #music #subjects #schools #level

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Use synonyms

Music

Add an article

The music

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industry is a growing business in today's society. People

has

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have

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discovered

music

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many years ago.

However

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, the study of

music

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remains controversial

in particular

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at the preschool level. In my opinion,

music

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should be taught and emphasized as a major subject like science stream and here are my reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

music

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promotes creativity. Research has shown that

music

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stimulates the same part of

brain

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the brain

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that enhances a

persons'

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person's

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creative ideas. As we know, kindergarten school children

absorbs

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absorb

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new knowledge like a sponge. They can easily learn new art or knowledge quickly.

For

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this

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reason, introducing

music

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this

Linking Words

age group will create a generation not only knowledgeable in other subjects

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

Linking Words

more artistic.

Secondly

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music

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brings a more colourful life to preschool goers. Many studies have shown that

music

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has

a strong relations

Correct the article-noun agreement

a strong relation

strong relations

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to one's emotions. It has

seen

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been seen

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in unborn babies that they become excited or

relax

Wrong verb form

relaxed

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based on the type of

musics

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music

kinds of music

pieces of music

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placed on their mother's belly.

This

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has the same concept for kids and adults.

For instance

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, kids who play alongside a

music

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game tend to be more energetic and happy. In conclusion, whilst many parents are still sceptical

Change preposition

about

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the study of

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

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, it has a lot of benefits

Change preposition

for

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young children. Not only

music

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creates

Wrong verb form

create

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an artistic mind for the young, but they can find peace in studying something fun.

Therefore

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Change the capitalization

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strongly agree that studying

music

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in preschool children is as important as other subjects.

Submitted by Nezzy on Thu Nov 07 2024

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task response

You have provided a clear stance on the topic and attempted to support it with reasons. However, try to incorporate more research-based or widely recognized examples to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is mostly well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph clearly links back to your main argument for better cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Consider having more variety in sentence structures and using linking words to enhance the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, providing a clear framework for your ideas.

task response

The essay addresses the prompt directly and stays relevant throughout.

task response

You have expressed your ideas clearly and logically, making your opinion understandable to the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

243 words

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Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

Word Count

Some educationist think that the international exchange visit to different countries for a teenager from school has benefits. To what extend do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does the shortage of fresh water cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

advanteges and disadvantages of playing video games for children

If a person is found to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving, they should be banned from driving for life, whether they were involved in an accident or not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?