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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
People
 have different views about that nowadays most 
people
 have a tendency to purchase more things by persuasion by advertising.
While
 some
people
 argue that advertising can not make
people
 purchase in the long term.
This
 essay will discuss these topics of view and argue on
this
 topic. On the one hand, there are several reasons why these days advertising has influenced many
people
 and made it successful.
First,
The influence of celebrities can be a powerful reason for some purchasing decisions.
For example
, Dentisite toothbrush has Lisa from BlackPink as a presenter, resulting in a 20% increase in sales in the first month.
Second,
the
advertisement
 has created video and advertisements are engaging and trustworthy, causing many
people
 to want to try and buy it.
Finally
, a campaign on social media like flash
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 or discount codes
such
 as Shopee, Lazada, and TikTok  has an effect on many
people
's interest
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
show examples
 things.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that the
advertisement
 there is an exaggeration in the presentation and some items that are purchased are not as effective as they should be.
For instance
, my mother bought cosmetics from social media because in the
advertisement
 there is a tagline saying that the result will be seen within 1 month.
However
, the result of its use does not change anything.
Moreover
, many
people
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exaggerated of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 and there is more caution in buying things The conclusion,
although
 the influence has
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 purchasing, many
people
 have shopping
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being done more carefully.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and avoid introducing too many concepts at once to maintain clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strengthen the argumentative structure by clearly contrasting both views before providing your opinion.
Task Achievement
Provide further clarity and depth to the opinion statement and conclusion to enhance the completion of the response.
Task Achievement
Ensure there is a direct reference to specific examples for both views discussed to support your arguments more comprehensively.
Task Achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, especially the use of a real-life marketing campaign to support the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for discussing both points of view, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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