IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #information
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In
this
 modern era,
media
 plays a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
delivery
Correct article usage
the delivery
show examples
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 through printed
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 or online to
people
.
However
, there are differing opinions about the private
information
 should be published to
people
 or not. Both
statement
Change to a plural noun
statements
show examples
 had valid points,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will elaborate in more detail and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. First of all,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 helps us to stay
connect
Change the form of the verb
connected
show examples
 with
information
 through
media
, exposing public
information
 about
people
 helps us to know about their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
we
Correct word choice
and we
show examples
 can identify
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 character.
For instance
, Tata Ratna is one of
most
Add an article
a most
the most
show examples
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
, apart from business, he is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 human being, he helped so many
people
 in
this
Change the word
his
show examples
life
 in terms of
eductation
Correct your spelling
education
, work and so on.
Therefore
, many children inspired by
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 leaders,
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 me to be
nicest
Correct article usage
the nicest
show examples
people
 in the world.
In addition
, many women
abuse
Wrong verb form
are abused
show examples
 in work or school,
media
publishing
Wrong verb form
publishes
show examples
information
 to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 about
criminial
Correct your spelling
criminal
. So that
people
 think twice before committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.
Hence
 it's apparent why many
people
 are favouring
this
 trend.
By contrast
, exposing private
information
 should be banned because many
celebritries
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 and
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 are able to live
normal
Add an article
a normal
show examples
life
.
For example
,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 always targets
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
 and
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
 personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, because
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more interested
to know
Change preposition
in knowing
show examples
 about their
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrity's
celebrities'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. When
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 small commitments or
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 through hard
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
,
publishing
Wrong verb form
publish
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 news to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
,
make
Correct word choice
and make
show examples
judgement
Replace the word
judgments
show examples
 about
people
.
As a result
,
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
overall
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work and
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 mental health. In
recaptiulation
Correct your spelling
recapitulation
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are innumerable strong
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 supporting that
publish
Wrong verb form
publishing
show examples
 private
information
 should be limited. Everyone has
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to live their
life
 without any
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
show examples
.
Media
 should
be respected
Wrong verb form
respect
show examples
 their
privacy
Replace the word
private
show examples
 space,
publish
Correct word choice
and publish
show examples
 useful
information
to
Change preposition
so
show examples
people
 to aware about the globe
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
, it will help
sharp
Replace the word
sharpen
show examples
 their knowledge.
Consequentely
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, I firmly disagree with the given statement.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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task achievement
Try to develop ideas further with more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help the reader understand your perspective better.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have attempted to present and develop both views of the argument, which is a crucial aspect of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear beginning and ending to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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