Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same events on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
argue that attending in-person play,
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
and games
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
more excitement than viewing the same on
television
. I
also
agree with
this
statement,
although
watching
television
also
has some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. The first benefit of watching live
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
is more enjoyment and excitement.
People
can enjoy
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
show examples
other spectators which will enhance the joy and make the moments memorable. Visiting the shows of famous
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
and
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
also
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
a chance to take pictures and record the show which is not possible on recorded shows.
For example
, if the singer forgets a line
while
performing,
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
can laugh and make jokes on the same spot. Most of the
television
shows require editing which might cut these
rememberable
Correct word choice
memorable
show examples
moments.
Thus
, in-person events provide more fun and
memories
.
Apart from
this
,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live concerts and games events create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
more enthusiasm. There are
people
who are cherishing, there is a level of noise which is making the event more enjoyable. Watching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
successful show
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
wonderful
memories
.
For instance
, some
people
have
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
to go
Change preposition
of going
show examples
to
t he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
concerts and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
once in their life so that they can build
memories
. Recently,
diljit
Change the capitalization
Diljit
show examples
Dosanjh a famous personality
breaks
Wrong verb form
broke
show examples
the record in Canada for
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
audience concert and being a part of
such
shows
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
the
memories
and
people
want to witness
such
places.
On the other hand
, watching shows at home
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
more comfort and
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
from monetary prospectives.
People
can view their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
shows from their homes with their family members and enjoy the fresh
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
meals which is not possible in live events.
People
can save the cost of booking tickets and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
and cabs. They do not need to buy specific clothes by getting
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
.
For example
, in cricket matches
people
are seen wearing
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
like their
favorites sport
Fix the agreement mistake
favorite sports
show examples
person which
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
buying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
printing the name and logo.
Thus
,
television
shows are
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
and convenient. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
,
same day
Add a hyphen
same-day
show examples
lauch
Correct your spelling
launch
shows
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
more fun and joy to fans but we can not deny the benefits of
televison
Correct your spelling
television
shows they are
also
cost-effective and convenient.
Submitted by kb781920 on

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task achievement
While your introduction succinctly introduces the topic, consider adding a thesis statement outlining your stance more clearly. This can provide more clarity for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between sentences by using more linking words and transitioning phrases. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure equal mention and explanation of both sides of the argument (watching live vs. watching on TV) for a balanced task response.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of Diljit Dosanjh’s concert, to support its points.
task achievement
You clearly present multiple viewpoints, elaborating on the benefits of both live and TV watching experiences.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally organized with clear sections focusing on different aspects of the topic, enhancing readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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